Well.... once again... we find ourselves sitting here at two-freaking-thirty, and I have roughly a half a paragraph done of my 4-5 page paper. Expletive.
This may be the biggest hole I've dug myself into yet. Hmm.
On a lighter note, I had a fantastic weekend, which I suppose is what I am paying for now. But really. It was pretty great. Friday I watched Hitch with the Madee/Angie suite, which was pretty great, and I also talked to Bri for a little bit and hung out with Tammera as well. Then Saturday, I was drug out of bed to go be a zombie which was quite an experience to say the least, and then after that whole ordeal, I spent the evening with B, Oliver, and Aaron which was also very enjoyable. We played ping pong, and watched 27 Dresses (Oliver's request, Aaron's favorite) then went to Arby's, Taco Bell, and Meijer, played more ping pong and fuzball, and then walked the P loop.
You little devil.
But seriously, it was A LOT of fun. Aaron and Oliver are great and I really just like having guy friends. Spent the night in Emily's bed with B, and then woke up and wasted time for a couple hours and then got ready for the choir concert. It went well. My parents and aunt and uncle came. Weren't many SAU students there though which was kind of sad.
The choir concert was actually really hard for me. I was irritated beforehand anyways for different reasons, but when I got there, I just kind of realized it was the first choir concert my Grandma had ever missed, plus tomorrow is 3 months, and the hurt came flooding fast. So I snuck away into the, ironically enough, GrieveShare room, and called my mom and cried for a bit, wiped off the futilely applied eye make up, sucked it up, and went in. I did okay during the concert, except I had a realllllly hard time keeping it together during "In Christ Alone." And by had a hard time keeping it together, I really mean I didn't at all. Nothing like losing it in front of an entire congregation of people. Oh well. Grief's not really something you can just fight off. You deal with it when it comes, but it does get easier with time. I don't have to search too hard for tears, but the heaviness of heart doesn't linger as long as it used to. In a way, I feel like my tears honor her. Kinda let her know I still miss her. Livia was a doll. I texted her and told her I was having a hard time. And she said "I miss her too, sometimes, if that helps." It totally did. Made me cry more, but it was just so nice to hear for some reason. She's pretty good with empathy. Which goes quite the distance with grief. Probably other stuff too, but I've especially noticed and appreciated it with grief.
You see, had you asked me Friday afternoon what my plan was for the weekend, I would have told you that I was going to try and read some of the book Friday night, wake up and go straight to the library all day Saturday, do the same Sunday, go to the choir concert, and maybe have fun tonight. That's just laughable now.
Well I suppose it's time to bust out roughly 4 more pages. Thank God break is on Tuesday pretty much, so I can just sleep. Because this may be a deprivation I haven't experienced before.
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