Today was kind of a bla day. Not a bad day. Not a good one either. Just bla. I was in a bla or bad mood all day. I'm probably just getting tired from my nocturnal sleep schedule. I'm also realizing how little break there is left, and it's not that I dread going back. Cuz I love SAU. I love my friends, things are fine, I can even handle classes and what not. Going back isn't what's getting me. Just the fact that I have to leave is. I just didn't get enough time at home. I was busy and got to see lots of people, but I didn't get as much time just at home relaxing or having conversations with my parents as I was hoping for and it's kind of just making me irritable. I also had this impression that I'd be bored and trying to figure out how to fill time and I'd have all this time to do things that I've been wanting to do but just didn't have time for all semester. But now I didn't do them over break either and so they just won't get done and that bugs me and I just sound like a whiney, baby kid right now.
I've also kind of found that the longer I go in college, the more homesick I get. I didn't get homesick hardly at all freshman year and I was always excited to go back after breaks. Last year, I wished I was home the whole year and I think I cried the last day of break last year cuz I didn't want to go back. This year it's kind of in between. I was really homesick at the beginning of the year but things got better. I'm not gonna cry about it and I'm not dreading going back, I just don't want to yet. I think part of me is realizing that I have Spring break, maybe a total accumulation of a month or month and a half during the summer, next winter break and spring break and summer, and then I'm on my own and am expected to find my own place to make home. This won't be it anymore. That's not that much time. And I am so wonderfully blessed to have a home that I enjoy being in. I just want more time. And the way things work, I'll probably spend a lot of those breaks not at home, being busy and it just makes me sad. Also, something happened tonight that just really bugged me and frankly pissed me off and I am sick of it. It's starting to drive me insane. I could go into detail, but I won't.
I feel particularly sheepish because last night, Marissa and I were talking about how our problems are just so trivial and dumb and we should just be so thankful all the time when we compare our lives to others that deal with SOO much more, like those that are starving or are trapped in sex trafficking or those kinds of things. And all of this seems so little and stupid compared to that, but I still allowed myself to be moody all day. It is all in perspective I guess. Just gotta work on shifting mine from time to time.
Such is life. I'm off to bed.
i understand what you mean, the whole not-being-the-same thing. That's why I cry almost everytime i Have to leave...and you know how much I've left this break from home. Haaaaah. I don't know what it is, but I just want more time.
ReplyDeleteBut you gotta remember, your parents WILL always be there, and you are never too old to climb into your mom's lap and cry. I just did it, the other day. Haha. That's what you're parents are supposed to do...support you, even when you're done with college and "supposed" to move on. I have a feeling I will always come back to my house and feel comfortable leaving my socks under the desk and sleeping in my bed. It's irreplacable, home is, and I don't think anybody really moves on from in...unless there is some type of thing that repels you from the home. Which is great that you enjoy being home so much..That is a blessing, for you and your parents.
And, you only live 45 min away. They'll still be there. :)