Learned from the old, bring on the new, 2011

So 2010 was probably one of the hardest years of my life, but I learned so much and I feel like I'm stronger. I've lost some important people and had some adversity with others, but so many of my relationships have only grown stronger and deeper and I am finally at a place where I feel happy. Not surfacey happiness, but happiness with some meaning. So praise God for the desert. He does provide. So here's a little tribute to 2010 (copied from Olivia) A song and picture (or 5) for each month.


January
Song: Help Me Out of the Dark by Matt Hires
Picture:


January was when I first started hanging out with this one. Love her and our strange signs of affection :)

February
Song: Possibility by Lykke Li
Picture:

Shewolf awesomeness begins... :) Good pranks with that Shewolf

March
Song: I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance by Black Kids
Pictures:


-Best Spring Break road trip ever with my parents, my dad the Ranger and I turned 20
-Rae and Bri came to my house and it was a good time :)

April
Song: Zombie by Cranberries
Pictures:


-Mustache-a-Palooza! My first Open Mic Night! Anddd
-My second ever chipping experience.... which was a disaster... but a memory nonetheless :)

May
Song: Little Help From My Friends by Joe Coker
Pictures:



-My roomies from Sophomore Year :)
-Just me sitting at Madee's desk... In the bathroom. One of the best pranks ever. Good thing my suitemate loved me
-Liv and John and I at Open Mic Night at LCS. Got some BFF time in at the end of May
(Also, this song was chosen for this month because it happens to be the theme for Wonder Years which I finally made it all the way through during this month

June
Song: Tiny Cities Made of Ashes by Modest Mouse
Pictures:


-Oh ya know, just Liv and I being Liv and I one weekend at Camp
-This month I met THIS GIRL!!!! Who restored some of my hope and joy in life and is just plain amazing. LOVE ALYSSA YERIAN!!!

July
Song: Cry In My Heart by (preferably by Camp Band, but normally by) Starfield
Pictures:


-This is the outfit from Senior Teen Trip Camp that earned me the nickname of "Rambo"
-Me, my boss, and a cabin of girls on a photo scavenger hunt. Also the week I hardcore bonded with Marissa, Stacey, and Olivia. Love those girls! Lifelong friends for sure... even if it brings us to Africa when we cheat on our husbands....

August
Song: What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie
Pictures:


Lost my Coach and Grandma this month. Both wonderful people. RIP Coach and Grandma, you were dearly loved and missed

September
Song: Freedom to Feel by John Reuben
Pictures:




-New Roommates! And Roommate photos!!! Yay! Love these girls
-Let's Go Fly A Kite!
-I got to dress up and run around campus in a Chipmunk costume. But Tammera stole my body...
-Won a pineapple as best dressed for Lowell Luau in this palm tree costume :)

October
Song: A Boy Brushed Red… Living in Black and White by Underoath
Pictures:


-Me and two of my favorite people at Midnight Bowling who honestly are the reason I made it through this semester. Love them so much.
-Ya know. Bought a Spiderman costume for $3. I'msocool.
(Also, restored my love for screamo this month)

November
Song: Baby I Like It by Enrique Eglesias
Pictures:



-Dad and I waiting in line for Black Friday for my new laptop... which I love
-Me and Stout with coffee mugs that matched our shirts. Cold weather = Chai tea = Mmm
-The result of the best Steak and Shake run ever. What a good night :)
(All this, and discovered my Naked Song)

December
Song: Only One by Yellowcard
Pictures:



-Some of my new friends I made this year who were nice enough to bring me with to Applebees the last night of exams
-The Lehman girls on Christmas day. Love my family :)
-My crew from the Epic Penny Adventure!!!! And my Christmas Break Hangout buddies


Soo all that in 2010... and now, for 2011

I hope this year is a bit easier. I don't know, 2010 was one of those years that kept me honest and kept me growing and did not allow me to be stagnant or comfortable. 2010, while I did not like going through it very much, will probably end up being one of the most valuable years of my life. But I would like a chance to have a little fun this year and relax again and start building up without so much tearing down. So, unlike B, I do kind of do the resolution thing, so here are some of the things I hope to do better this coming year.

1. Be more intentionally appreciative of the people I love and who love me
2. Spend at least 10 minutes of just quiet with God every day. Not devotions or music or stuff like that, but just 10 minutes where I shut up, listen, and let God be God. I feel like this will bring a sense of peace into my life that I have never had.
3. Be more faithful in my devotional and prayer life
4. Stand up for myself a little more, not be as passive
5. Overcome some fears and maybe learn how to keep my mind controlled better. Things like getting my ears pierced and jumping on the blob, maybe even the zipline?!?
6. Take more pictures

That's all I've got for now... Happy 2011 to everyone!

If You Walk the Footsteps of a Stranger...

It's gotten to the point where I'm not sure what day it is. I kind of like it when it's like that. I believe it's Friday. Yes, it is. I woke up around 2, but then came downstairs and have been in and out of consciousness on the couch for a couple hours. Now I'm watching the Michigan State game. It's very frustrating. They have not found a groove yet this year and they are playing some ugly ball. My mother just yelled swedish at the tv. Anyways.

Thursday was another good day. Meg came over and we talked, laughed, made lunch, and left some pretty great videos on Adelyn and Jessica's walls. She is always just such a riot. Everyone should know Megan DeVries. Liv, Marissa, and Wes came over at 5, but I had to leave to go to the Bible Study for strippers with my mom. There were two ladies there who used to be dancers but are now involved in ministering to dancers, there were two girls who are currently dancers at Deja Vu, another girl from the Lansing area, me and my mom, and two other ladies from the church. It was an intense hour and a half. It took me awhile to recover from it honestly. The two ex-dancers were both just incredible women. Joy is from Texas and won't be able to come back, but she just like, straight up talked from the Spirit. It was amazing. Annie is the leader and she was also just amazing. The two girls had this inner strength too and such big and beautiful hearts, and it was so cool to see and understand that God works in and through dancers and that he is moving big in even strip clubs. It was just unexplainable to be able to see not only the beauty and capability of people who are in such dark situations to have this beautiful light, but also to understand how big, creative, and inclusive our God is. Even strip clubs can't escape His power and work. At the same time, it was heartbreaking to know that I was leaving to hang out with friends and such, but the two girls were heading into work, back into the darkness. Like I said, it was pretty intense and something I'm still processing. I really think I might drive up every other week and keep going. Annie and Joy went and did stripper ministry last night and Annie said it was the best outreach they'd ever had. Praise God.

After that, I came back and hung out with Liv, Marissa, and Wes. We went to Meridian Mall to get Liv some shoes, and went back to, surprise surprise, Bubble Island. We played Euchre and Livia and I lost pretty badly. We came back to my house, and Wes and I had the most amazing Euchre comeback I've ever been a part of. We were down like, 7 to 2, and we came back and won it. It was pretty fun. We watched Superstar and then they left around 2. Good day. Now I'm off to get ready for New Year's Eve party at Livia's. Here comes 2011! But not after a tribute to 2010...

You're Going to Make Me Look Like A Silly Panda!

So, I can say with relative confidence that today was my favorite day of break. My favorite day of this month. It was really just one of those golden nugget days of awesome that I'll probably hold in fond memory for years to come. It was just that good.

I woke up early (being 10:30) and got dressed and such ready for E and Marc to come. I'm not going to lie to you, this was probably the most stressful part of my day. Scratch that. Second most stressful. It turns out trying to be cute is just the most difficult thing ever. I wanted to wear the scarf Livia got me but I wasn't 100% sure it went with the shirt I was wearing, and I wore my skinny jeans which I had never worn before and wasn't sure I could pull them off. And then goodness sakes I had to figure out which shoes went with everything and I couldn't find the ones I wanted and it was just so stressful. But I successfully got dressed (and E said I looked cute later on,) and then Marc showed up. Shortly after, I got a call from Emily trying to explain to me where she was because she missed 127 and got on 496 instead. So instead of trying to explain how to get back around, Marc and I decided to just go find her. So we did. Also, I discovered something pooped on my car. It was too turd-ular to be a bird I think. Despite what Marc says, it was not me. I think it was the evil cat that is trying to take up residence in our garage and eat my food. Anyways. We found Emily's little car by itself in this big church parking lot and found our way back to my house.

We headed out to East Lansing and went to Sushiya. I stuck to my safe, cheap, delicious California roll but Emily somehow did talk me into trying raw salmon from her roll. I ate a minuscule little bit by itself, and then shoved the rest of the chunk in my California roll. It wasn't really anything terribly special, but it also wasn't volatile and I haven't died yet. Soo there's that. I also drank a LOT of water. They just kept pouring and I just kept drinkin. This is why I'm pretty sure I should probably avoid alcohol... After sushi, we went to Bubble Island and stayed there for quite some time. Yes, it may have been the third time in three days I've been to Bubble Island. Don't judge. One more drink til I get a free one. :) We just kinda sat around, but it was a lot of fun. I like those people. I've always loved Emily so that was obviously great, but Marc is pretty cool too. He reads my blog. Or so he says.

After sitting in Bubble Island and using the bathroom a total of 4 times, we went to Meridian Mall which is where the most stressful part of my day comes. I've just really come to realize that I don't like shopping with anyone besides my Mom and Olivia. Don't ask my why. I just don't. And then I feel stupid for feeling stupid for shopping with people especially when they make me feel stupid for feeling stupid for feeling stupid which just makes me feel awkward and then I know I'm being awkward and my awkwardness grows at exponential rates and it's just not a pretty picture. I went to Hollister and got a hoodie for 40% off, but I'm pretty sure I almost died of high blood pressure. I'm weird. I am aware.

We came back to my house and Marc tried to murder Emily on my couch with pillows and his butt (ironic) and then peaced out and Emily stayed for another half hour or so and then peaced out. Literally, just as she pulled out of my driveway, Stacey, Wes, and Marissa pulled in. We had to wait for Livia to eat and medicate, so we ate pizza, played Euchre (Wes and I owned) and then played Catch Phrase. Wes and I did not own in that game and neither did Marissa and I. But it was still lots of loud, frantic fun. Then Liv arrived around 7:30, I threw roughly 20 pennies at Wes and he caught the destined one, and we were off on our penny adventure.

This penny was a little more local than the last. It stayed pretty close to my neighborhood for awhile, though we did get to see the capital, the Breslin Center, and Kirky's home (Spartan Stadium) as well as a road block placed by the police for what appeared to be no reason (we almost hit it). Wesley also decided to turn around in someone's yard instead of their driveway near Hicks road. That was kind of hilarious. Then we started to venture out a little more and ended up out by where my sister got married and then out on the southwest side a little. I was the victim of a padiddle and had just taken off my shoe before flipping and losing the penny in between the door and the seat. We were at a stop sign, so I had to get out of the car on the road and perch one shoe like a crouching stork in order to retrieve the dang penny. It was probably quite a site to see. We also stopped at the sketchiest gas station bathroom ever. I refused to use it actually. I didn't have to pee THAT bad. We drove by a Taco Bell which made us all realize we wanted Taco Bell, so we told the penny that we wanted to eat Taco Bell and Livia told the penny she needed to eat at 10 so she could take more medicine, and literally, at 9:58, the penny led us to a Taco Bell in Charlotte. We've chosen some pretty wise pennies. So we stopped and ate at Taco Bell which was delicious of course, and then headed back to my house, singing Just Around the River Bend, Colors of the Wind, and Can You Feel the Love Tonight, Olivia singing an octave higher than everyone else like usual. It was quite an adventure indeed.

Stacey left right when we got back, but Liv, Wes, and Mariss stayed. We played Euchre (Marissa and I owned) and Marissa even told me that I'm good at it now! I used to be the last partner picked, but now I'm even good! This is so exciting! And I really like Euchre. My true Midwesterner is coming out. Marissa and I taught Wes and Liv how to do the bridge and ate food and listened to two tracks of Olivia and I's rap cd, and they left a little after 1. It really was just quite the day. Lots of really awesome people and good times. I'm a lucky girl. Now I'm sitting here blogging while listening to a cd that my ex gave me that I am just now putting on my iTunes. As much as I was hoping to get to say that I hate it, I actually really like it. Dang it. Oh well. sometimes all you get out of relationships is good music. Just kidding. But seriously.

I was thinking today, and I can't think of a group of 5 people that I'd feel more comfortable with than Marissa, Liv, Stacey, Wes and me. Not to say that I don't feel just as comfortable with other people, but in terms of a combination of 5 people, they're really just the best. They are some cool people. Gems, really. I LOVE MY LIFE!!! AND MY FRIENDS!!! And penny adventures :) And laughing so much your abs hurt. And of course, Taco Bell.

Well I am off to bed! Tomorrow I get to hang out with Megan! This is sure to be a good time as well. I feel like this was a really long blog. But it was just such a good day! I guess my new skinny jeans are lucky. And no one even had to put their hands on me :)

Pictures:



THE penny



THE crew



THE destination (Old school sign too)

THE end

To stay inside today, safe from tomorrow's come what may

Well, as anticipated, Alyssa came over yesterday. Liv came too after awhile, and it was a good time :) We went to Bubble Island and played Jenga. I lost. I've never played that game before. It is insanely nerve racking. By the end, I was tired of holding my breath for a full minute and a half while simultaneously trying to delicately remove another block from the already gravity-defying tower and just poked it as hard as I could. After that, we rented Eclipse and started our Twilight marathon, which ended up not being complete because I did not have New Moon in my DVDs like I had thought. Oh well. I did finally get to see Eclipse, and it was good. Taylor Lautner is good. Real good. Mmmm...

We stayed up way too late and slept in really late too, and after chocolate chip pancakes and another Bubble Island run complete with Jenga and a creepy man, Liv and Alyssa left. My Mom and I headed over to Eastwood and I got two much needed new pairs of jeans. One of them being my first pair of skinny jeans. Woohoo. I'll let you put your hands on me, but you don't have to. I'm classy like that, just like Kei$ha. I really wanted/needed a new pair of medium wash jeans that weren't skinny cuz the two I have right now are over 2 years old. When I was 16, I had a month where I ripped through the butt of 3 pairs of jeans. I do not want this to repeat. However, finding these types of jeans is like trying to find a 4 leaf clover. K maybe not that hard. But all the jeans either had like, 85 holes in them or their medium wash was more what I would consider dark... You know what that means... the little bit of me that was "in style" is quickly going out. Stink. Oh well. Nothing I'm not used to. According to Marissa I never match anyway, so why should it matter?

Around 7:30, we went to Mwakanandi's and had our Christmas. It was marvelous. I got a comfy adorable pair of mocassins that I've pretty much been wanting for 2 years, a cute scarf, a snuggie, two sentimental ornaments, and a cool collage thing that Liv made for art class. Way cool. Liv liked her hat and can opener as well as her Spongebob blanket and BFF collage, and her Mom liked the personally painted outhouse birdhouse :) We chatted, ate a bunch of food, and watched Dorm Life. Good night. I'm a lucky girl. I finished the day off with some neglected laundry and watching Iowa take Mizzou in a nail-biter. Go Big 10! :) Tomorrow I'm doing lunch and such with E and Marc and then will embark on the Epic Penny Adventure of 2011. Hopefully it lives up to its title. I'm not worried.

I found out this morning that Kyle, a kid from my graduating class, lost his sister last night in a snowmobile accident. She was 22. This has kind of been troubling me all day. I didn't know her, but I know Kyle and I can't imagine the reality of losing a sibling like that. Tomorrow isn't a guarantee for anyone. You never know when it'll be the last time you see someone, or the last time they'll see you. Sometimes I feel like we get into these routines where we forget what's important, and we get wrapped up in crap that doesn't matter or let grudges and differences linger. Then tragedy strikes and it shakes us back to realize what's really important. When my Grandma died, I struggled with guilt and I still wish I had spent more time at her place last year and had made it more obvious how much I appreciated her and loved her. My mom says she knew but I still just wish I had done a better job of showing it. I'm thankful for what she gave me in her last few months. She left a really nice voicemail telling me she loved me and was praying for me about a month before she passed. I didn't get around to calling back. When we were in the hospital, she looked at me for a good while before I think she realized who I was and then she gave me a nod. It was about as much as she could muster, but I knew what she meant. I'm glad she gave me that reassurance of how much she loved me before she went, I just wish I had done a better job of letting her know too.

It makes me realize that I really want all the people in my life to know that I appreciate them, not only for if something unfortunate happens, but because that's just a good way to live. To be consciously and intentionally appreciative of the blessings and people in your life. It's not as easy to get caught up in the trivial and mundane that way, and it's not as easy to get depressed or selfish that way either. I've been realizing today that I have a whole lot of people to appreciate and I think it may be one of my New Year's Resolutions to be a lot more intentional about appreciation and people this year. Like I said, you just never know. But if something unexpected happens to me or to one of my loved ones, I want them to know. Thankfully, God has been so good to me and there's a lot of people I gotta let know :) So it'll keep me busy. When it all comes down to it, getting an A on every paper or making a lot of money or being on my cell phone or reaching Prodigy level on facebook tetris is not as important as making good time with the people I love. People are what's important. So I'm hoping to readjust my focus to show that better this year.

Well I'm off to bed. Keep Kyle and his family in your prayers.

Happy Boxing Day

Well this will be a short update, considering it was my goal to be in bed an hour and a half ago.... back to that whole compulsion to finish something I've started thing...

Christmas was excellent. Ate excellent food, spent good time with my family, had lots of laughs, everyone liked their presents, I got some good stuff too. I think my favorites were Season 5 of The Office (watched Disk 1 tonight) and a new tennis racket :) Can't wait for it to get warm so I can try it out. My dad told my whole family about my Trash nickname.... let's see... I actually fell asleep at midnight last night, falling asleep to The Brave Little Toaster. It was an enjoyable holiday for sure.

I woke up around 10 on this lovely Boxing Day morning. Normally Boxing Day is reserved for BFF Christmas, but Livia had to work today :( Shortly after I woke up, we came home, and I took a 3 hour nap! I dreamed about football because it was on throughout my nap, though it involved camp and B too. Odd dream. The Lion's won their third game in a row, and it was an away game. Perhaps their curse has been broken? I left to take a shower and there was about 8 minutes left and they were down by 10. I got out of the shower and somehow, they were up by 7 and managed to keep that lead. Insanity. Especially considering it was the Lions.

After that, my mom and I went to return a sweater and we ended up getting some more stuff too, including a cute pink, comfy fleece and a vest. Then we went to Dick's and we got some shoes for my brother-in-law cuz the ones they got him didn't fit, and I got a black hat, which I've been wanting for forever. Then we came back and I did some more work on Christmas presents and watched various TV shows. It's been a good couple of days.

I actually wouldn't mind a break extension. I still have some work to do on Christmas presents and I want to spend some more quality time with my parents, which has been limited, and wouldn't mind a couple do-nothing days either. But I'm already booked! Tomorrow, Alyssa from camp is coming to spend the night, and Tuesday Olivia and I are doing BFF Christmas. Thursday is the Epic Penny Adventure which will obviously be epic, and Saturday night Liv is having her second annual New Year's Eve Party which I'm guessing will include a lot of Saturday and a lot of Sunday. I guess that gives me Wednesday and Friday, but I need to find time to spend with Megan and Jen. Megan and I have been trying to plan time to hang out forever, and I don't remember the last time I hung out with Jen. Sigh. And we go back the stinkin 4th of January! Good grief! I promised myself this would be a more chill break and I wouldn't plan as much. Fail. Ahh well. Such is life.

Tonight I nearly finished B's present. It still needs a couple finishing touches, but we'll figure it out. I'm pleased though. I'm definitely more excited about my friend presents than I was for family presents. My family is so hard to shop for, but I don't really shop for friends. I just make random, strange, but relevant things. Madee's is straight up absurd and she's gonna die, and Emily's is beyond great. I struck a gold mine for Angie's. And I'm excited for Olivia's too. And Marissa's. Like I said, I'm pretty pleased with the friend presents.

Well it's off to bed! Busy week ahead. Happy Boxing Day everyone, now that it's over.

Emmanuel

Today was Christmas Eve, and a pretty good one at that. It was low key, but that is exactly how I like my holidays. We used to have my mom's entire side of the family celebrate Christmas eve together, but then everyone got married and reproduced and it's too many people with too many schedules to work around, let alone manage in one household. I don't mind. I used to hate Christmas Eve, to be honest. So many people! When I was little, they had a gift exchange thing which always made me nervous when they'd steal each others gifts and such, and they always concluded with a marshmellow fight. We'd find petrified marshmellows laying around Grandma's trailer all year round. At that time, I was too young to participate in the gift exchange and I often hid in the other room during the marshmellow fights after two years of suffering a black eye resulting from marshmellows propelled by men that didn't realize that they didn't throw like little boys anymore. Apparently my eye is a marshmellow magnet. Then, when I was old enough to actually participate in the gift exchange and do the marshmellow fight, they discontinued the tradition. Kinda sucks being the littlest one sometimes. After that changed, everyone crowded in my house and I spent half the day hiding in my room. I hated not being able to find a place to sit in my own house. And one year, someone thought it'd be nice to share the flu with the whole family. Stomach flu. Boxing day consisted of vomit for me that year. But now we celebrate Christmas in January. Or even March. So I can hold my dread off til then.

Today I slept in, and then woke up and played through my Christmas piano book while my mom made me breakfast. I played a couple songs from the Nutcracker and it made me realize I haven't seen that in awhile. We used to see it in the Warton Center every year in elementary school. I kinda miss it. I made a last minute run to WalMart to get Kris a gift and came back and at dinner. We had potato bologna. This time, I didn't eat the skin. I also ran through my thing for tonight. He had told me to talk for 5 or 10 minutes. When I ran through, it was 20. So I cut some stuff out and then went off to the Christmas eve service. It was a pretty nice service and my speaking thing went really well. I had a lot of people come up to me afterwards to thank me or tell me that they appreciated it. It was really encouraging. I feel more like an adult now. It's weird. I had a conversation with 3 women in my church. I'm pretty sure this has never happened before.

My dad is just really cracking me up lately. Yesterday, my dad said the word "Fricken." Granted, he was quoting someone, he wasn't using the word for his own purposes, but nonetheless, the worst thing I've heard my dad say is "Doggone," so hearing him say fricken was pretty hilarious. Also, today when we were on the way back from WalMart, a car drove by us with one headlight out, and my dad said, "So does that count as a padiddle?" My dad correctly identified a padiddle. I couldn't believe it. I don't even know where he would have heard it from. I mean I am a padiddle champion, but I didn't realize that I had done enough of it in a car with him that he would catch on. He's getting frisky in his old age.

The Borrowers were feeling the Christmas spirit today. I wish they were this generous every Christmas eve. I found 3 things I haven't seen in awhile in a span of like, 10 minutes. I found my laptop mic and camera charger (THANK GOD) as well as some t-shirt transfers I bought a couple years ago and my blue zip up fleece. It was almost like Christmas. That was exciting. I made my parents take a Christmas Eve picture, mostly cuz I looked pretty nice tonight, and I have very few pictures with my parents. I also may or may not have caught up on the Degrassi. Am I addicted? Yes.

I should probably get to bed because I have to get up early tomorrow. We're headed off to Kris's to open presents and all that fun stuff. I am very excited. I love being with my immediate family. It'll be weird without Grandma though... I may have convinced my parents to spend the night, and I can't wait to have a day with my niece and nephew. I haven't gotten a good one with them in awhile and I just can't even think of a better way to spend a day than some competitive gaming with them, which is bound to happen. They got the competitive gene for sure. The last few times I've been over there, we've played soccer. I'm thinking that won't be an option this time. But maybe I'll bring my snow pants and we can play in the snow. I'm sure we'll also get in some pool, air hockey, and Wii. Kacie also got a new game for her birthday that I promised her we'd play, and JD also will be receiving a Tom and Jerry DVD, so maybe we can watch it tomorrow night. Maybe we'll even build a fort in the living room and sleep there. Oh man I'm just getting so excited I can hardly stand it. I love those kids :) They keep me young ;) Funny that I was just talking about feeling like an adult...

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope it's great!

You're Unbelievable

Top Ten Statuses of 2010 (according to the facebook ap)

10. God is good
9. today has been a bit frustrating but it's okay because I know I'm going to get pie. I'm not an "I eat my feelings," kind of girl, but pie can cover a multitude of wrongs.
8. first Black Friday experience SUCCESS!!! Do I ever want to do it again? DEAR GOD PLEASE NO!!!
7. packing stuff in my room while listening to N Sync. "Yes yes yes here we go! N Sync has got the flow!"
6. taking a facebook fast until I am as faithful to spending time with God as I am to checking my facebook. This one may be awhile...
5. I'm home I'm home I'm home!!! Hurray Thanksgiving break!!!
4. Cheez-its and Welch's Grape Juice are my version of cheese and wine.
3. finds it wonderfully ironic that she just zoned out in class, and when she looked up at the powerpoint screen, the current slide was titled, "Attention Span."
2. the Bachelor makes me want to throw up.
1. watching Charlie Brown Christmas... Yay :) I miss the old, good-hearted cartoons.

Kind of an odd mixture. And the number 1 is DEFINITELY not my best status of 2010. But that's okay.

Right now I am in my kitchen eating the taste that you can see (Cinnamon Toast Crunch,) and realizing that I haven't blogged in a few days which always stresses me out. I have this horrible compulsive habit of including too much detail, and I feel like the world won't turn correctly unless I tell everyone everything about the last 3 days of my life. I don't know why, really. Because it's not like people are going to be really upset if they don't know every intricate detail of my life. It's actually quite the opposite. They'll be incredibly bored. But nonetheless I still must fight this compulsion that I have managed to just waste 82 words describing. So here goes...

Tuesday, I played housewife while Olivia worked from 2:30-8:30, and gee whiz was it boring! Ha. I was doing alright for awhile, I did some painting and watched some movies, but then I was starting to feel claustrophobic knowing that I literally had no way to escape the apartment (no car). So I skyped Tammera. Then Liv came home and we made chicken alfredo and applesauce, stuffed ourselves to the brim, and watched 10 straight episodes of Spongebob. Wednesday we drove back when Liv got out of work and the Mwakanandi's dropped me off at home. The girls hung out in the kitchen and the guys were downstairs watching football. It was really pretty fun. I love my best friend and our mamas :)

Last night, I stayed up WAY too late because I also have this obnoxious compulsion to finish whatever I've started, whether that means staying up til 2 am or 6 am. Last night happened to be the latter... I was working on Emily's present while also watching (don't judge) The Degrassi (okay, judge). I got hooked this summer. And what can I say, I'm a sucker for Canadians. I love how they say Sorey, how they raise high school english teachers (Mr.Kleyn) and they encompass Andrew Bravener and his youtube emporium of awesome. This is still no excuse. I am sorry I let you down, Paul Patton. I chose to watch high schoolers have sex with each other and do drugs instead of enriching my life and cultivating my own gifts. But I just had to know what happened next! Sigh.

I got up at noon today and showered and got ready, went into the church for a few minutes, and then finished up my Christmas shopping. For 6 hours. In 7 stores. 8, if you count Taco Bell. Bah. Too many relatives. I feel like most everyone else my age has to buy for parents and siblings and select friends. But I have to buy for parents and siblings and brother-in-laws and nieces and nephews and step-nieces and step-nephews and select friends, of which I have selected quite a few. It's quite the list. And it is hard to figure out what to by 40 and 50-year-old men that are not your father, let me tell you. But, IT IS FINISHED! Except for one emergency gift I have to get tomorrow. Stupid nowhere carried Gilmore Girls. Plans = foiled. But it's okay. I am fairly happy with my successes and the gifts I have to give people. A few may have even reached the legendary standard. But many of them also require/have required a lot of work.

In other news, a Turkish man thinks I'm beautiful. He didn't go quite so far as to say "founded by fate," but close enough. I really have a way with profile pictures I guess... Ohhhhh Orhan. I have also spent about 8 hours skyping with Tammera this week. I must get to bed. I convinced myself to not complete the project I was working on tonight. I still might watch one last episode of Degrassi though. Sigh. I am ashamed. Tomorrow night, I am speaking in the Christmas Eve service. I'm pretty nervous, not gonna lie, so I've dealt with it by avoiding thinking about it and not preparing at all. Good choice, right?

Merry Christmas Adam (and yes, I am aware you are not Adam) Have a Merry Christmas Eve.

The God that doesn't use the same color twice...

So, today, I have taken up my hand at painting. I like it, it's fun and challenging and makes the time go fast. But at the same time, it's very frustrating. And I was gonna stop at 3, and then 4, but I didn't want the colors to dry up so I'm still at it and and it's stupid 5 and goodness gracious is this hard work! Why I thought of this as a good Christmas present idea I'm not sure. Oh well. It's different than a fleece which I've gotten for my brother-in-law for 2 straight years.

So today, Olivia apparently dangled chicken lunch meat over my head around noon, then saw on my blog that I had gone to bed quite late and let me sleep in til 2. We showered and got dressed and headed out to the mall. It was a friggen huge mall. Two stories. Which meant we had to ride the escalators. I hate escalators. So does she. We spent way too much time walking way too much to spend way too much money. But this year I am actually going to pay for everyone's Christmas presents with my own money. Which means I'll pretty much be broke. Sweet. But it was time for this next step in independence. I may or may not have also bought myself a couple Christmas presents. I didn't really tell anyone what I wanted for Christmas, so I figured I could help my mom out a little bit. Gah! And I didn't realize until tonight that I bought my sister two big Christmas presents. Totally forgot about the one I bought last night. So, uh, sweet. Maybe I'll help my mom out for another daughter too. But anyways.

At 8:30 we, Olivia in particular, decided that we were starving. So we went to an Asian Cuisine called XO in downtown Grand Rapids, and it was A-mazing. Best of both worlds. I got Pad Thai and a California Roll. Two of my favorites from two different countries in the same continent that you don't normally find in the same restaurant. SO good. Ha, and it was like Olivia and I were on a date. They even lit a candle to set the mood. Ha I lol'd. Olivia's so proud that I actually request sushi now. My taste buds/psyche have come a long way since the Mwakanandi's first took me out for sushi. I tried a cucumber roll. You can't get much less harmless than that. I took a bite instead of putting the whole thing in my mouth and the cucumber flung out. I also inquired as to what the substance that covered the roll was and Liv and her mom tried to convince me it was lettuce though I was pretty sure it was seaweed. I didn't buy their lettuce claim, especially since this was not the first time they would have lied to me about what I was eating, so I asked the waiter what it was and he said it was seaweed. I didn't have the mental strength to eat seaweed. So my nibble of projectile-cucumber roll was all I ate that time. Now, I request to go eat it. And I really like it. Next step is the raw stuff, though I honestly doubt I'll ever get to that point.

We came back and watched Elf while I painted a birdhouse, and then watched some cake baking show with douche bag, cocky, competing bakers while I worked on this other painting. Liv went to bed over 3 hours ago. That really just makes me realize how long I've been working on this dang painting. Erg. He better like it...

So a few weeks ago, a lady started a Bible Study for Strippers at my church. Not that my church has a lot of strippers, but that's just where they meet for it. My mom went and I really think the whole thing is pretty cool. But they interviewed the lady who's running it and it's possibly going to be on NPR. I seriously think it's awesome. I'm gonna go next Thursday with my mom. Here's the link for the interview.

http://www.publicbroadcasting.net/michigan/news.newsmain?action=article&ARTICLE_ID=1739698

I think this is one of the coolest things I've ever heard. That's the kind of love I want to be a part of.

Wellllll I'm off to bed now. Peace and blessings. And sushi.

Durazno = Nuevo Favorito

Well... here we are at the end of Day 2 of Christmas Break. Or is it Day 3? Well it's been 3 nights and 2 days. So Day 2. Whatever. It's the end of Sunday. Also, the end of my sister's birthday. So happy birthday Kathy! Or apparently Kathryn. All my life, they've been Kris and Kathy, but to everyone else outside of the immediate family, they've been Kristina and Kathryn. Good thing I can't make my name longer. Unless you add an "a" I guess...

Anyways, after I finished my crap on Friday, I went to lunch, Emily called me dumb and told me I wouldn't remember, and then I came back to the room and slept for I think about an hour? Then I packed my bags, picked up Jess Clarke, and headed for Lansing. I was able to stay awake on the drive home thanks to the help of some Underoath and conversations with Clarke. Gotta love screamo and Doofer.

I got home and took a shower because, to be honest, I couldn't quite remember when the last time I had taken one was. It may have even been Tuesday. I realize this is disgusting. It is not something I am proud of, but personal hygiene wasn't really number one on my list last week. I laid on the couch and watched the Office while I waited for Liv and Marissa to come over. Wes ended up stopping by too, and we skyped with Stacey. It's kind of funny, I remember the night being fun, but it's a little blurry to me. I remember playing euchre and Wes and I winning, and laughing and saying a lot of things that I realized after the fact I shouldn't say in front of boys. Wesley dropped his gum on Olivia's shoulder and then ate it, and Marissa mixed up Mickey Mouse and McDonald. She had only had one hour of sleep too. But it all almost seems like a dream. I wonder if that's what being drunk is like....

Since then, I can't say that I've caught up on sleep, but I'm actually participating in some, so that's good. It has greatly improved from Friday's 1:36 unconscious to conscious ratio.

Saturday, I got to see my niece and nephews of all shapes and species (two of my nephews happen to be dogs), and also my cousins. I had potato bologna for dinner which is some traditional Swedish dish that is also an Olson tradition. It's pretty much like meatloaf put in casings. I found out this weekend that casings are made out of intestines. I have been eating the skin on potato bologna for years. This is not okay. I feel like I found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich. Not really. I just feel like I found out that I have been digesting something that another animal has used to digest. Probably because that's exactly what happened. Sick.

After dinner, we all piled in my sister's hot tub. I hate that all of my friggen cousins who have birthed 2-3 children have better abs than me. What the heck? Since when does childbirth give you great abs? It doesn't. Stupid. Neither does DC food, but you don't see that having the reverse effect on me! Whatever. After that, we came back in and I watched them make Grandma's rolls. I figured I had a valid excuse to be a watcher, and I was a great encourager, let me tell you. "Great job rolling that dough! Excellent sugar to cinnamon ratio! Those ingredients are excellently proportioned." So obviously I did my part. The night ended up being more fun than I was expecting. I only had one child-bearing detail that made me cringe (tearing will never be a word I can hear without crossing my legs), and the only other downside was looking down and realizing my sister's dog had pretty much puked on my foot. Just my pinky toe. But nonetheless. There goes another pair of socks...

I woke up this morning to my sister kneeing me in the back. Intentionally. So that was cool. And then I got in a car and drove from the east side to the middle to the west side of the state. During this process, I unabashedly predicted that the Lion's would lose on my facebook status. Then, of course, 20 minutes later, they won their first away game since 2007. Figures. Also, I packed while listening to my parents battle with mapquest for about 40 minutes before I went downstairs and figured it out in one try. Ay. Senior Citizens. Then, of course, on the way out the driveway, the garage door broke. So my Mom and I ventured to GR and left my dad to fix our crooked garage door and I met up with Livvy. We went to Meijer and bought some Christmas presents and way more groceries than we probably needed, ate Chinese, and watched 500 Days of Summer. And now I am here.

And now I will go be unconscious.

These are my nephews :)



JD



and Rosco and Oscar

Cuties :)

I'm Done! I'd jump around and dance but I don't have the cognitive ability to move....

Since the last time I was unconscious:
-I observed a dumb boy mackin on girls next to the "Shhh!!! Please be quiet," sign on the quiet floor of the library and nearly shot him with my laser vision that doesn't actually exist. For goodness sakes, that is the only space reserved for quiet in all of campus, and he still felt it was necessary to talk there instead of relocating to the limitless options of places to talk where someone wasn't wishing to castrate him.

-A stranger at the microwave explained to my why my computer screen zooms in all the time. Sweet.

-I also went to Applebees without evening leaving campus and rode in a purse.

-I climbed in and out of a drier.

-I witnessed the greatest display of Spring Arbor tool-dom between 4 guys playing ping pong.

-I witnessed my 5th sunrise this semester, all of which I did not wake up for but stayed up for.

-I walked through E and B's minefield of a dorm room in the dark and managed to knock over every pot and pan plus a window scraper and nearly closelined myself on Christmas lights 4 or 5 times.

-I received the most awesome, personalized pillow ever that perfectly fits to my head.

-I also witnessed the smoke that resulted from Baker baking bacon for his girlfriend. I don't know that kid's real name.

-I told off a computer. For 3 straight minutes. Why do those dang things take so long to log on?

-If one more Lowell Lobby couple kisses, I will throw up. Congrats, mushy gushy couple, you made my blog.

And all of this happened in 24 hours. Because I have been awake. For 24 hours. This is a first for me. I know, it's surprising, me being the night owl and all, but here I am at 24 hours for the first time. I feel like I should be dead.

But most importantly....

IFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHEDIFINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!DONE!!!

I feel like I just concurred (yeah that's supposed to be conquered. shows how well the wires are connecting right now) the world. I feel like I can do anything. I feel like superwoman. I feel like that girl on the kitchen sink. Holy crap. I really just did that. AND I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING FOR 2 AND A HALF WEEKS!!!!! OH my gosh. And I only used 2 cans of Mountain Dew to do it :)

I compiled all of the stuff I have done in the last week, and it was 43 pages long (double spaced, size 12 Times New Roman.) Holy crap. I put all the stuff that I've writtin in the last 24 hours together. It was 22 pages. I wrote 22 pages in 24 hours. I feel so cool.

And with that.....

-Human Behavior Interview Paper
-Stats Final
-Modern Social Problems Final
-1,2 National Government essays (4-5 pages each)
-1,2,3,4 Child Welfare essays (3-4 pages each)
-1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 Human Behavior essays (1ish paragraph each)

in 5,4,3,2,1 days and 3 (Aladdin),2 (Pocahontas), 1 (Sleeping Beauty), Disney Movies (didn't watch one yesterday)




awwwwww yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Let's Pretend We Don't Exist, Let's Pretend We're in Antarctica

It's not too terribly difficult to pretend that I'm in Antarctica, (though I have seen like, 5 dipsticks wearing shorts and t-shirts today. What the heck. Are you dumb?)though the pretending I don't exist is just wishful thinking....

I ended up deciding not to go to bed for an hour and a half, and instead went to breakfast and tried to figure out how else to kill time. Turns out I am a morning person. I just can't sleep beforehand. I ended up filling out the eval and sleeping from 10-4:30 with a little break of awake in the middle, and then spent the rest of the night finishing off Modern Social Problems. Took that exam today. Done with that class forever. Around 1:45 am I realized I was really stinkin tired and didn't feel like nor would be efficient at writing, so I made the decision to go to bed at 2:30 and slept til 11. I'm not sure if this was a smart life decision. On the one hand, I got 8 hours of sleep and have 26 hours to write 18-19 pages, if I don't sleep at all tonight. On the other hand, had I finished at least one essay last night, I would have about 5ish hours of sleep and 26 hours to write 14-15 pages. I guess we'll find out if this was a smart decision or not. But regardless, I have 26 hours to finish 18 pages.

Let's do this.

First, I must show you my survival kit:



It consists of:
1. A 6 pack of mountain dew to keep me awake
2. Smart water to make me smart/have to pee a lot so I have an excuse to occasionally get up
3. Play doh to have something to look at/play with that will make me happy
4. Peaches cuz they're freakin good

I have also strategically placed some of my best papers from this semester around me to either remind myself how good of a writer I am so I can do this 18 pages in 26 hours, or to remind that even if the papers I write suck, at least I had three good ones earlier in the semester...

Also, I've got a little countdown going. Hopefully this will give me the kind of motivation I need. 19 pages to go....





-Human Behavior Interview Paper
-Stats Final
-Modern Social Problems Final
-1,2 National Government essays (4-5 pages each)
-1,2,3,4 Child Welfare essays (3-4 pages each)
-1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 Human Behavior essays (1ish paragraph each)

in 5,4,3,2,1 days and 4 (Aladdin),3 (Pocahontas), 2 (Sleeping Beauty),1 Disney Movies

7 to 7

Well, in 7 minutes, it will be 7 am. How wonderful. I told myself I wouldn't go any longer than 5 or 5:30, but I wanted so badly to cross an entire line off my list instead of just one number. I really do think that was my biggest sense of motivation. That and if I still had to pretend like I was Bristol Palin tomorrow, I was going to fly to Alaska and either jump off an iceburg or provoke a brown bear. Ay. BUT BOTH MY AMERICAN NATIONAL GOVERNMENT ESSAYS ARE DONE!!!!! I AM DONE WITH THAT CLASS!!! Except for editing, but whatever. The second one that I just finished will probably have quite a bit of editing to do, but I do not care. It is done. And I can go to bed with that much more of a feeling of accomplishment. Except literally in 2 and a half hours, I have to go to that class to fill out the eval. Won't that be fun *devilish grin.*

I have written 11 pages in the past 35 hours. Sick. But awesome. Unfortunately, that doesn't even put me at the halfway mark, but the rest of the papers are actually about things that I care about. Writing these first two essays was like running a machine with a wrench in it; it'd go smoothly for a while, but then I'd get stuck. I anticipate the others to run more like the taffy makers in Frankenmuth... nice and smooth. Maybe even strawberry flavored. (Oh gosh, I get cheesy when I'm tired) Busting out 3 pages advocating for abused children is a lot easier than writing three pages pretending I'm Bristol Palin and at all interested in domestic, economic, or foreign policy. Basically, I'm pretty sure I got the worst done first. So hopefully it will be downhill from here.

So here's to exam week: writing my butt off and forming companionship with a washing machine in the laundry room, ping pong breaks, locking myself out and running outside in my socks, dance interludes, midnight breakfast, and downloading Eye of the Tiger as motivational paper writing music. Here's to the sleep that I'm not getting, and the break that I am anticipating. And here's to Aladdin's nippleless, animated gorgeousness and Grandmother Willow's wisdom. And here's to THE LIST that is slowly but surely, getting crossed off.


-Human Behavior Interview Paper
-Stats Final
-Modern Social Problems Final
-1,2 National Government essays (4-5 pages each)
-1,2,3,4 Child Welfare essays (3-4 pages each)
-1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 Human Behavior essays (1ish paragraph each)

in 1,2,3,4,5 days and 1 (Aladdin),2 (Pocahontas),3,4 Disney Movies

For the Love of St. Patrick

I really just need to vent. Marissa's blog yesterday just kind of sparked this, and I have decided whoever thought of Finals week was an idiot. Seriously stupid. It was probably the same guy who thought that 3 hour night classes sounded like a good idea. You are dumb. But really, does this week measure my competence in Modern Social Problems, or American National Government, or Human Behavior, or really much of anything except for torturing myself for no particular concrete purpose? I pretty much feel like it only measures my ability to starve myself of sleep, social interaction, and today even food in order to work my freaking butt off to write 30 pages of crap and cram information in my brain that I'm going to forget in 3 days anyway. If I don't get everything done that I need to get done this week or end up having to sacrifice the quality of my work just to make sure it gets done, it is not because I am not intelligent or because I am lazy or anything like that. It will be because I do not have the super human ability to concentrate through 16 essays in 4 days off of no sleep and little to no motivation because I've been trudging through classes that I have been burned out on for at least a month. Heck I was sick of government after week 2. STUPID!

I hate American culture, this sense that enough is never quite enough and we have to fill absolutely every moment with productivity. We have to be MORE productive and MORE efficient and get MORE done and work MORE hours and do MORE assignments and take MORE credits. For what? Alright, cool, so because I take too many classes with too much homework, I increase my knowledge on a subject so I can get a job and work MORE hours and make MORE money so I can retire and die. Who the heck cares? What do we really value here, do we value efficiency, or people? I read an article in US Times that was suggesting that America should change it's system and either shorten or just completely get rid of summer vacation because kids lose too much headway in their education during that amount of time. Give me a break. So what, our kids are behind Korea and Japan. Do we really value competition against other countries and being the absolute best and smartest that we can be over memories and relaxing times with friends and family? I would much rather have the life with the most meaning and most laughter and spend the most time with awesome people than the life with the most productivity and efficiency. Why take 17 credits a semester and graduate a semester early and be stressed out all the bloomin time and spend hardly any time with your friends when you can take 12 credits a semester, graduate a semester or two late, and have a lot more quality time with friends. In the end, the second option gets you the same amount of knowledge, but has a lot more fun, a lot less stress, and just takes a year longer? But we don't think that way. We gotta get done fast. What is the rush?

Yet here I sit, my last week with some of my friends for three weeks, and I will literally be typing my fingers off and brains out basically non stop. Just so I can maintain that GPA. Would hate for it to slip from a 3.9 to a 3.8. But at the same time, I've maintained A's all semester and would hate for them to slip just from finals week. BLEH!!! Screw it all.

Well I'm done complaining. Sorry for all that had to read that. I do feel better.

-Human Behavior Interview Paper
-Stats Final
-Modern Social Problems Final
-1,2 National Government essays (4-5 pages each)
-1,2,3,4 Child Welfare essays (3-4 pages each)
-1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 Human Behavior essays (1ish paragraph each)

in 1,2,3,4,5 days and 1,2,3,4 Disney Movies

It's the Most Stressful Time of the Year

It is officially Finals Week. Gross. But before we get to that, we'll recap on some of the moments I've enjoyed the 2 days before doom.

Friday: I went to class and spent most of the day finishing my Stats paper. Soon after I had turned that in, it was time to get ready for choir. Somehow, we pulled off a "Christmas miracle" as our director called it, and actually pulled our songs off for the concert. We were literally still running notes for one of them half an hour before. Most of the acts were pretty great, and I was especially impressed with the arrangement of Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel that Rico put together. Phenomenal. After the concert was over, my parents and I promptly opted to go to Taco Bell instead of watching explosives (my favorite) ignite over campus. After that I went with B, E, Kyle, Oliver, and Aaron to Meijer and I honestly don't really remember what happened after that.

Saturday: woke up late. Really late. Worked on homework some, got ready, and then went to the Christmas with B and E party. Overall that was a fun time. Then what do you know, went to Taco Bell again with B and Oliver, and then we played Ping Pong. Oliver hit his head and kind of reminded me of the episode of the Office when Michael clamps his foot in the George Foreman Grill and Dwight gets a concussion. Oliver was not, err, concussed, but he was acting kinda funny. This is why we don't run into walls.

That brings us to today. Right now I am in the basement of Lowell, the Laundry Roomish area to be exact. It's my replacement library. It's quiet down here, actually even quieter than the quiet floor at the library cuz I'm kind of isolated down here. Plus I don't have to walk in the snow, it doesn't close at 11, and if I forget something, I only have to go upstairs. It also makes me feel like a Ninja Turtle because the "tunnels" underneath Lowell almost remind me of a sewer system. Now I just need a head band and some nunchucks. Oh yeah. Kinda need to be a turtle too. But I've got the ninja thing down.

I can no longer put things off. It is finals week, and there is no such thing as a spare moment. Pretty sure this will be my worst finals week yet. SO. MUCH. TO. DO. I have roughly 25-30 pages of essays for take home finals. Someone told me not to think of it in terms of pages, but just total essays. In that case, I have 16 essays. I don't think that makes me feel any better. I have two regular finals on top of that, and I am currently working on my Human Behavior paper that's due tomorrow. In high school, I made it through finals week by coming home and making a smoothie, napping through a Disney Movie, and then studying every day. I think I'll have to figure out some sort of incentive system again. Probably not smoothies. No frozen strawberries, or blender I don't think. But I think I'll have to watch a Disney Movie every day, and maybe an episode of Dorm Life too. My mom also gave me a basket of awesome, so we'll utilize that too. I'll probably be in the basement of Lowell, so maybe I'll buy a purple headband so I'll be even more like a ninja turtle. Donatello wore purple. He's my favorite, mostly cuz his name is cool. Here's my list of stuff to do this week (we'll check off as we go):

-Human Behavior Interview Paper
-Stats Final
-Modern Social Problems Final
-1,2 National Government essays (4-5 pages each)
-1,2,3,4 Child Welfare essays (3-4 pages each)
-1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 Human Behavior essays (1ish paragraph each)

in 1,2,3,4,5 days and 1,2,3,4 Disney Movies

And I think that's it. Ha. That's it. Like it's not much. I'm gonna die.

I think I can I think I can...


Oh and thanks to B and E for prettifying my blog

Meh

Today, I learned how to cook meth. Sort of. I simultaneously learned how to blow up a house. Yay Child Welfare, which is over now. It's actually kind of sad. That class surprised me and ended up being one of my favorites. I think it may have been more helpful/informative than my Intro to Social Work class. I also got a lot of candy. I guess it's not actually over. I still have to do the exam. Which reminds me of just how much I have to do in this next week. Sick.

One week and one day from now, I will be in my bed, probly, hopefully unconscious, while also sighing with relief. One week from now, I may or may not be pulling my hair out of my head. I have two regular, in-class exams, two papers to write, and then, so far, a total of 22 pages of essays to write. The 22 only accounts for 2 of my 3 take-home "exams." I find out the final verdict tomorrow. It could easily be 30+ pages of crap that I have to write in the next week. I don't think I have ever written 30 pages in one week. I'm not even sure if it's possible. I guess we'll find out. Blowing up a house is sounding more and more promising...

I was originally just gonna write this off last night and just leave it as "my night was crappy, I don't want to talk about it," but decided that some honesty has some value. I was gonna pretend like I could handle things on my own or that things were fine, but they weren't really. Today was better. Quite a bit better actually. But anyways. I usually think of myself as a pretty confident and secure person, but as much of a front as I put up sometimes, I do sometimes struggle with feeling insignificant or like someone who is easy to forget and easy to leave. I don't think I'm terribly too hard to like, but I also wonder if I'm also easy to drop.

Last night, I kind of realized I've been letting my "value compass" slip in a sense. What I mean by that is that I have been looking in the wrong places to find my personal value. I've been getting it and looking for it through what professors think of me and how smart they think I am after grading my papers, and how much my friends like me and want me around, I guess mostly what people think of me. It was working great for the last month or so, but this week, things got weird and I was kind of beginning to think that if I just disappeared like the people do on Without a Trace that no one would notice or care too much. I was beginning to feel like an afterthought or a tag-along, and it was really getting to me. So I decided to go on a walk. I really just kind of wanted to cry but for some reason I couldn't. I decided to listen to a sermon I have saved on my phone by Steve Sommerlot from Riverview. He talks about the implications of God's existence and the value and sanctity of life, but mostly what I remember and keep having to go back to is the value part.

He talks about how we all want to feel significant and valued and feel like our life and our existence has meaning. We want dignity. He talks about how people search for it in a lot of ways, through friends, or money, or sex, or drugs, or fame, and how none of these can really give you value. He says that God is the only one that can really give you value because value is what someone is willing to pay for something, and God paid for us with His Son. It's all kind of stuff I "know" and have heard before, but have to periodically hear over and over again to let it actually soak into my heart.

In lots of ways, all of us are different, but in so many ways, we're all the same. It sounds so cliche, but we all have this hole or emptiness that we want to fix or fill. We all just have our own ways of trying to fill it. Someone else's way of filling it may be completely different from yours and seem stupid or foreign, but it's the same hole you're trying to fill. Some ways of filling it last for awhile, but the only one that will actually be or is capable of being 100% consistent is God. I had forgotten about that and I had put my self-worth in the hands of my friends and professors who are human and therefore inconsistent, just like I am. So God was kinda like, Hey, remember whose Image you were created in and who you can actually trust to give you your value without shaking. It's a basic concept, but so difficult to put into practice. (Let me clarify: I don't think God wants me to avoid people or not think that the love and appreciation of the people in my life is special. God still wants us to enjoy the relationships in our life, we just can't base our self-worth off of it. Once again, easy to say, hard to do.)

Today, both sides of the our suite got rearranged. I like both rearrangements. B and E's bunkbeds now form a "clubhouse" for me. I'm totally gonna pimp it out. I have to wait til J-term. But it's gonna be sweet.

Meow.

Today was...

a day. Actually, to be honest, it was kind of a crappy day. I've just felt grumpy like an old man all the livelong day and right now I am in my bed and it is where I have wanted to be since the moment I woke up. It was kind of one of those days that would have been better had I just not woken up at all. I don't mean that in a morbid, "I wish I was dead, I hate my life," kind of way, more of I wish I could have just pushed the skip button on this one. Skipped this day. Skipped this scene. Wasn't anything special anyway, unless you have a sadistic type of humor. Don't think anyone really would have missed me much today anyway.

(this was written about two hours ago. Conversation with Bri has elapsed since.)

I babysat Suzanne today, the little two-year-old tyrant. When I first got there, she was like a banshee. She was literally running laps through the kitchen and living room. I was fearing for my life a little. I did not have the adequate amount of sleep for that. Then she tripped on a cord and her sugar buzz or whatever it was came crashing down with her little body. For the next hour and a half, she swung between whiny and causelessly crying. Pleasant, let me tell you. After taking about half an hour to wait for her to chew three times, randomly cry with a spoonful of macaroni in her mouth, chew some more, and then swallow (repeat) she finally went down for her nap. And that is probably the last I will see of Suzanne in 2010. Too bad our last day consisted of some of her less-than-desirable faces.

I came back, ate lunch, did stats homework and started on my Modern Social Problems paper, and then went to choir. I'm not even going to try and sugarcoat this one. Choir today was awful. Truly terrible. We have a concert in three days, none of the pieces are performable yet, even with music, and they are all a Capella. A Capella is great except that we are going flat even when the piano is playing with us. We're still doing note work. I don't know how we're going to have these songs memorized by Friday. And a song performed with music compared to a song confidently performed from memory is like comparing a sandbox to the beach. Zoey 101 to Dorm Life. Ramen Noodles to Olive Garden. Confidently memorized music opens up space for so much life to enter the song. But it seems our choices are either look tacky with music and have 80% note accuracy with very little feeling or emphasis, or butcher the pieces from memory with some feeling that will probably be overshadowed by awful. That may have been a little harsh. But I really don't think I have ever felt like a choir I was in was this unprepared for a concert. I mean when the soloist literally sings a section's starting pitch and ythey still can't get it, I don't know what else you can do! And God bless the basses' souls, but let's just say the Good Lord knew what He was doing when He didn't give me laser vision. There would have been many casualties today. Ohmygosh. Shut. Your. Face. People were talking when Renae played the starting pitches. People were still talking one beat before the entrance to the song. Really? Really? I don't think I've been in a choir with that much of a talking problem since maybe middle school. The playing of the opening pitches is a time of reverence. You do not talk during that time. You especially do not talk right before the piece is about to begin. Beautiful music, moving music, particularly for a choir, takes engagement and focus of mind, body, and heart, and this has to be set before the piece even begins. If you are still talking to Bass-Boy-Big-Mouth during this time, I don't care who you are, you need to shut up because you are not as funny or as subtle as you think you are. It is no wonder we go two steps flat every song. Ay yi yiiiiii!!!! I was pretty much LIVID by the end of choir. I literally had some kind of acid indigestion going on because I was so stressed out by everything. I called my mom and vented to her afterwards. She told me I have been blessed with the curse of a perfection-seeking musical ear, and ADHD. Not such great blessings for such a time as this. She's probably right. But seriously. Was not happy.

After that I ate dinner and tried to get more of my paper done, and then went to stats only to realize I had left my stats folder in the room and had to go get it. In the grand scheme of things, not a big deal, but after two irritating instances already, it didn't make me too happy. Then I get back to class, just wanting to go to bed, only to find a practice exam. I did not feel like doing it at all. Actually, trying to do a math exam was about the last thing I wanted to do at that point. So that was peachy. I grumbled my way through it and the rest of class and was off.

After stats, I went to the O1 Christmas Party which was interesting to say the least, tried to get more of the dang paper done, and ended up going to Meijer for like, an hour and 45 minutes even though I still had a whole nother paper to do plus finishing the first one. We only returned with two liters of juice and a case of Mountain Dew. We had gathered that within the first 10 minutes of being in the store. I don't know what took so long. I came back and tried to finish my paper, but felt more like drilling my head through a wall or curling up in a ball in my bed and crying. I just felt so frustrated. With everyone and everything. So I took a shower. I finished the paper, and just said screw it with the second one and was just gonna head to bed. Then I ended up having a long, good conversation with Bri, and to be honest, that made it worth waking up today. So thanks Bri.

Well that was my day in a nutshell. Somehow I woke up a Negative Nancy and wasn't ever really able to shake her off. Looking back over stuff it wasn't that big of a deal, it was just really frustrating. Just one of those days I guess. Hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up as Positive Polly. More than likely it'll be Sleep Deprived Darla.

Kelsey, shut up. You sound stupid.

Jesus, help me.

Danger on the Track...

Well, today wasn't as productive as I was hoping. But it was more fun than I was expecting. I had some good bonding time with Emmer Cleaves, as well as Aaron and Oliver, and we have baby rice to show for it. :)

I was not able to pry myself out of bed until 3:15 pm, although I had been resetting my alarm and pressing the snooze for about 40 minutes. Then I tried to get myself focused on homework and had started on it when E and I decided we were hungry. So we made chicken alfredo which was friggen delicious if I do say so myself. I cut up/browned 3 chicken breasts, and they were Pamela Anderson chickens, good heavens let me tell you. SO MUCH CHICKEN!!! I used scissors to cut them like my momma taught me, even though Emily made fun of me the last time I did that. I also cut it in the leg hair bowl. Judging by Oliver's reaction last night, my hair makes things taste good, so I figured why not. Don't ask. Emily washed dishes while I did all that, and also managed to try to burn down our dorm building. Turns out napkins still set on fire if you put them on burners that do no have flames. Funniest thing I've seen in awhile.

After we finished, I came back and chiseled away at some more homework while Matt Voiles played with the magnets on our refrigerator. E and I skyped B and they discovered that I had been sneaking on Olivia's facebook to check mine. Surprise, Liv. B threatened to delete my facebook, but I think they opted to change my profile picture to something slightly absurd/creepy instead. Around 1, E, Aaron, Oliver and I went to WalMart and got some groceries, and then spontaneously decided to go chipping. My sister did that when she went to Spring Arbor. The other times I've gone, it's been premeditated, but we got slim to none and got caught. This time, despite its spontaneity, Oliver and I were successful in our run in every way. It was well planned out, we got quite a bit of stuff, and didn't get caught at all. And it was fun. Pretty great evening.

Well E and I are now headed to bed, and tomorrow will have to be my uber productive day. Joy. I did get some stuff done today. I completed a pretty decent Child Welfare response paper if I do so say myself. Crap. That's the second time I've sad that this blog. Now I sound like a cocky jerk. Oh well. I made a good meal and a good paper. Might as well call it what it is.

Look at all the exploding colors! In the rainbow!