A hammock in the trees in the summer

This is where I wish I was. I would even take on my couch watching movies. But this will not happen until Spring Break. Darn it all. I wish life was not so fast-paced. It feels like I just keep going and going from one thing to the next. I wish I could think of a soon-approaching time when I could be completely leisurely for a whole day without screwing myself over for the next one. It'd all be better if I had some kind of means to an end to make it to when it will all slow down and become more manageable. But I don't and it won't. This semester will pretty much be crazy and hectic through and through, and then school ends and summer begins, and before you know it, camp starts, and Lord knows that's just as go-go-go as anything else. Then comes senior year and internships and graduation, and then grad school, and then employment, which as a single social worker, will probably mean two jobs. It seems like all my significant periods of relaxation and recreation are behind me and I will only enjoy small snippets here and there before I die. In a completely non-suicidal way, sometimes I really look forward to dying. I have such an optimistic outlook on life, I realize. But sometimes, I hate American values and wished that we realized a little better that what we do is not getting us what we really want in life. Does really maximizing productivity and shoving as much as we can in as little time as possible really bring us a life of contentment, peace, meaning, and enjoyment? Sure I value getting essential things done, and eating and earning enough to survive and all that, but I value people and relationships and fun, but this nonstop, maximum-profit, be-as-productive-as-possible mentality seems to push these things further and further out of the picture. Doesn't anyone listen to MGMT? "Control yourself. Take only what you need from it." Today I was in Lindsay's room and they were talking about insomnia. I guess one of the signs of healthy sleeping habits is waking up naturally without an alarm and not binge sleeping on the weekends. Jessica said "Yeah that's not realistic in college. I'll get good sleep once I die." I think it's sadly pretty true. I've come to realization that I'm just never going to get adequate sleep so I might as well learn how to function without it.

That was such a ridiculous rant. I'm feeling overwhelmed tonight if you can't tell.

The day started out a little crazy, waking up the exact time that my class started, and then brushing my hair to find that, despite how my hair has characteristically stayed the exact same since 8th grade, today it decided to make me look like a poodle. Then I ran to class and was almost blinded by the sun in the snow. It just kind of went on from there. It wasn't a horrible day. Wasn't really good either. Oh well. Such is life.

Today was 6 months from the day my Grandma died. I didn't really think about it til later tonight and then it kind of made me wonder if subconsciously I realized it and that was why today was so off. It also could have been the sleep deprivation/PMS/Social Strat Exam combo. Who knows.

I feel like I probably sound so whiny. I'm not trying to be whiny. But I really do get sick of this mentality and wish we strove as hard to enjoy life as we do to make it productive. Perhaps I'm buying into Marx's substructure/superstructure a little too much. But it does seem to be pretty true. And I wish it weren't.

Photo Challenge
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show



I guess it's not technically a photo, but I think it's funny. So it's staying. I could use a little Office-Therapy tonight...