Hot Tamale

I wonder what the hottest pepper in the world is. Is it the tamale? Or the habanero? Hmm. The world may never know. Or maybe just I will never know.

Today was an alright day. I woke up a little earlier than I really wanted to, but Livia and I got to church 20 minutes late, apparently right after our bosses had gotten on stage and announced to the whole church that we had decided to sleep in. Haha oh well. My church has probably already realized that I have a hard time making it to church on time. After church, Angel and Kim took Liv, Marissa, Angel's daughters and me out to lunch at La Senoritas. It was a good time. Kim and Angel tried to "interview" us, and it turns out that if an employer asks you an interview question that you don't really know how to answer, all you have to do is take a bite of something really spicy and react ridiculously while everyone else answers the question and then they'll just forget about you. Worked great for me. Seriously, though, whatever I ate pretty much made half of my face go numb with hotness if that even makes sense, which it doesn't. It was loco though.

After that Mariss and Liv and Wes came over for a bit and my mom and I tried to get the phone business figured out. I realized yesterday that I had gone a whole week without texting anyone and had also gone a whole week without driving my car anywhere. Olivia told me that I was pretty much Amish. I have the right last name, I just need a beard. We didn't have much success, so I put my sim card in my mom's phone and she's going to use her old one until she qualifies for an upgrade at the end of April. I feel bad, BUT I FINALLY HAVE A WORKING PHONE AGAIN!!! I drove back to SAU, lolly-gagged around, and then did some researching at the library for this beast of a Research Design assignment that is due Tuesday. I'm feeling more confident about it than I was earlier, but I still have a lot due in that class and I have the feeling that at least one of the assignments is just gonna have to go. Overall, today was a pretty good day, minus the rain drenching my pillows and the Tahquamenon Falls (which has two meanings.)

Well I'm off to bed.

Photo Challenge
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Hmm that's a toss-up... Either this guy



or this guy



I feel like it would be so interesting to try and understand the inner-weavings of Matt McKenna's mind. Like seriously. I feel like it would be a riot to be Matt McKenna for one day. Can you even imagine? But at the same time, who wouldn't want to live in a pineapple under the sea? Idk. True toss up today.

Splendiferous

Today was a splendiferous day. Yes, I am aware that that is not a word. But it is what I am using nonetheless. So lead me to the building.

I went to bed later than I intended to and fell asleep even later than intended because I couldn't stop coughing, but B and Emily brought me cough medicine and some strange form of cuddling that seemed to do the trick. For whatever reason, I woke up at 8:30 this morning and could not fall asleep. So finally I got out of bed and showered, and packed like a ninja around all the sleeping people, and thought I was off in good time when I discovered that the reason I hadn't seen my car keys all week was because I had left them in the ignition all week which left my car battery deader than an innocent civilian by Carl the Llama. Good job Kelsey. So after a few choice words, I called campus safety to come save the day. So she came. Before she could open the hood to try and jump my car, I had to remove continent-sized pieces of ice off my car, which actually was kind of fun. Then she got her car jumper thing and said "Let's see if we can get this bad boy started." It kind of cracks me up when Campus Safety officers think they're super BA and say things like "I think I have a lead on your missing bicycle," and "Let's jump this bad boy." Anyways, after I popped the hood, she connected the cables and told me to try and start my car. Nothing. She rearranged them again. Nothing. Tried a third time. Nothing. She then informed me that she knew how to do it, but had only done it three times and had never actually been successful. We decided that jumping cars is something that we usually have dads or brothers or boyfriends for. So she called the lieutenant who had just woken up, and he came and connected them, and sure enough, my car started. So then I was finally off at the time that I had originally hoped to be at my house by...

I got to my house, and it turned out to be a typical Lehman's plus Olivia excursion. My mom was trying to figure out where the entire case of mountain dew that she had just bought went while my dad went to put something in the trunk and ended up clocking his head on the tailgate. And don't forget all of the criticisms of my dad's "I-first-learned-how-to-drive-on-a-tractor" driving from his favorite Lehman women. Olivia played her typical part of snickering in the back seat. And I wouldn't have it any other way. We got to the game just in time to see the last 7 seconds of my nephew's one-point victory in the 4th grade league. We then sat around for awhile waiting for Kacie's game and we pretty much went around the table and discussed our different illnesses and Olivia's new chewable vitamins. Kathy won the prize. Bronchitis bordering on pneumonia. Ew. Kacie's game started after an hour and they won and she had almost half their team's points. My sister helped me manage the score table and only minimally bruised my arm today. Right after Kacie's game was JD's game in the 5th and 6th grade league. He's in 4th grade, but is still one of the best players in the 5th and 6th grade league, little stinker. And he did not disappoint today either. 16 points, six of which were from 3 pointers, and he played excellent defense as well. Goodness sakes I'm so proud of those kids. Oh and JD's team won their game as well.

After the games, I started out playing some one-on-one against DaJuan, which somehow turned into Olivia and I playing a pickup game with a bunch of 5th and 6th graders. It was entertaining to say the least. After that, we went to Kris's house, and Olivia and I acted our age and sat at the kids table and played with Kacie and JD the whole day instead of watching basketball on tv with the adults. Somehow, Kacie and I started reading a story that turned into Olivia and JD acting it out. Olivia makes a very good feeding trough, I must say, and watching JD saw Olivia with an ax was a highlight as well. JD and Olivia were supposed to pick out a book for Kacie and I to act out, but it somehow ended up us taking turns writing "plays" to make each other laugh. Which really meant Olivia and I doing what we were told, which, for me, consisted of wearing a brunette wig paired with a Freddy Krueger mask and the Thriller dance. Yeah. Liv and I are cool. But nothing beats hearing those kids laugh, hearing how much they don't want us to leave, or Kacie telling me that at school, she had to pick a hero for her poster, and everyone else's was their parents, but hers was her Aunt Kelsey :)

We came back home and Olivia and I rented Post Grad and watched that while my dad awkwardly sat around and helped me fill out my FAFSA. Then Olivia and I had one productive homework hour, which really was quite productive, and then we rewarded ourselves with two episodes of Spongebob. Gosh we're cool. Olivia is truly just my best friend in the whole world. She not only gets me like no one else gets me, but she participates with me like no one else participates with me. And has for 17 years. You just can't beat that either :)

Well I am off to bed. But first...

Photo Challenge
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory



Pretty much almost my entire senior year was my favorite memory, but this night particularly stands out. This was the day that Adelyn, Liv and I completely spontaneously decided to road trip out to Genesee Christian to watch our guys' soccer team play. The car ride consisted of some wonderful 90's hits and dance moves, honking and screaming out the window at a soccer game that turned out not to be our school, getting lost, and only making the second half of our team's game. Then we got there, and it was their team's homecoming, so they had floats of them killing our mascot, even though we ended up beating them, and after the game we went to A&W which was delicious. When we returned to the school, we had a dance party in the school parking lot to more 90's hits, like "That's How I Beat Shaq," by Aaron Carter, which is the song that is being portrayed in this particular photo. Everyone knows that BFFs + Spontaneity + Road Trip + 90's Hits = Unbeatable Memory. It was truly one of the best nights with two of my favorite people, one who I miss very much. And that is that.

Whatever

I like not having class on Fridays. It is nice to have a guaranteed sleep-in day. I woke up at 2 pm and then went to Arby's and Meijer with B and Emily Bowman. Then we made dinner and went to the Lip Sync, which was pretty fun, and then came back and played ping pong and foosball with Aaron. Then I hung out with B and Emily some more and we went to taco bell. And that, in a nutshell, was my day. Overall, a good day, but a couple things went down at the end that put me in a sad/disappointed/grumpy mood.

I wish I wasn't such a pansy. I don't stand up for myself very often, and though being non-confrontational has its advantages, not saying what you feel can kinda suck sometimes too. I get a little sick of being a doormat sometimes. But I don't know how not to be.

I'd post my photo challenge pic for the day, but I don't feel like it. Soooo tomorrow I shall.

Talk is Cheap

Welllll I missed a day. But I just didn't feel much like blogging. I don't either tonight, honestly, but I've got this whole picture challenge, so I should probably stick with it.

I was awoken at 8:00 this morning by the freaking snow plow things scraping the sidewalks ever so loudly for like, 20 straight minutes. I hate those things. I swear they hit the building sometimes. I wish they would invest in a quieter snow removal method for those of us that actually like sleeping past 7:30 A.M. They greatly make me miss my room on the south side. On the south side of Delta, there are no sidewalks, and therefore no beeping, scraping, indelicate machinery. I was able to fall back asleep, but when my alarm went off for Interviewing today, I got up and realized that my throat hurt, my nose was stuffed, I had a cough, I was dizzy, and nauseous. This seemed like enough reasons to go back to sleep. So I did.

I woke up around 1 and did my day of silence for Interviewing today. It was pretty rough and at times awkward, but overall, bearable. I kind of felt a lot like Abby from Dorm Life. Volleyball was the worst part for sure. I feel like I'm somewhat of a vocal leader when it comes to sports, and I couldn't yell "Mine!" or "Yours!" or "Out!" or any encouragement or any "Alright let's pick it up,"s or anything at all. B suggested grunting, but by time my mind had decided it wanted to say something and then realized that it couldn't but then realized I could try and make some sort of grunt, the ball had already come down. It was terrible. I'm not sure I learned much about listening better, but who knows. I did have fun playing charades with E. I think there were a few people who didn't even notice that I wasn't talking today. I'm not sure which is worse... taking a vow of silence, or people not realizing it. Maybe that just means I'm already just a really good listener = P

Soo.... To the Photo Challenge

Day 04 - A picture of your night



I ate pancakes tonight at the Open Mic Night for the Panama Beach Missions trip fundraiser. And I totally played. I FINALLY PLAYED IN MY FIRST OPEN MIC NIGHT TONIGHT!!!! By myself anyway. I played with Wes once. But I decided supporting a Mission's Trip and a slightly lacking open mic night was a worthy cause to break the silence. Just to sing though. B and I sang Only One by Yellowcard and I mixed up the words a lot (sorry B). I sang The River by Manchester Orchestra. I think it went well. I still need Livia to feel right about Open Mic nights. It's just not the same without my harmonizing buddy. And to think that we didn't really know that we could sing til like, 10th grade.

Well I'm gonna watch something online, and then call it a day. Y si negro no se duerme, viene diablo blanco, y ¡ZAS! le come la patita chica bu.

We sing the creepiest songs in Choir...

A hammock in the trees in the summer

This is where I wish I was. I would even take on my couch watching movies. But this will not happen until Spring Break. Darn it all. I wish life was not so fast-paced. It feels like I just keep going and going from one thing to the next. I wish I could think of a soon-approaching time when I could be completely leisurely for a whole day without screwing myself over for the next one. It'd all be better if I had some kind of means to an end to make it to when it will all slow down and become more manageable. But I don't and it won't. This semester will pretty much be crazy and hectic through and through, and then school ends and summer begins, and before you know it, camp starts, and Lord knows that's just as go-go-go as anything else. Then comes senior year and internships and graduation, and then grad school, and then employment, which as a single social worker, will probably mean two jobs. It seems like all my significant periods of relaxation and recreation are behind me and I will only enjoy small snippets here and there before I die. In a completely non-suicidal way, sometimes I really look forward to dying. I have such an optimistic outlook on life, I realize. But sometimes, I hate American values and wished that we realized a little better that what we do is not getting us what we really want in life. Does really maximizing productivity and shoving as much as we can in as little time as possible really bring us a life of contentment, peace, meaning, and enjoyment? Sure I value getting essential things done, and eating and earning enough to survive and all that, but I value people and relationships and fun, but this nonstop, maximum-profit, be-as-productive-as-possible mentality seems to push these things further and further out of the picture. Doesn't anyone listen to MGMT? "Control yourself. Take only what you need from it." Today I was in Lindsay's room and they were talking about insomnia. I guess one of the signs of healthy sleeping habits is waking up naturally without an alarm and not binge sleeping on the weekends. Jessica said "Yeah that's not realistic in college. I'll get good sleep once I die." I think it's sadly pretty true. I've come to realization that I'm just never going to get adequate sleep so I might as well learn how to function without it.

That was such a ridiculous rant. I'm feeling overwhelmed tonight if you can't tell.

The day started out a little crazy, waking up the exact time that my class started, and then brushing my hair to find that, despite how my hair has characteristically stayed the exact same since 8th grade, today it decided to make me look like a poodle. Then I ran to class and was almost blinded by the sun in the snow. It just kind of went on from there. It wasn't a horrible day. Wasn't really good either. Oh well. Such is life.

Today was 6 months from the day my Grandma died. I didn't really think about it til later tonight and then it kind of made me wonder if subconsciously I realized it and that was why today was so off. It also could have been the sleep deprivation/PMS/Social Strat Exam combo. Who knows.

I feel like I probably sound so whiny. I'm not trying to be whiny. But I really do get sick of this mentality and wish we strove as hard to enjoy life as we do to make it productive. Perhaps I'm buying into Marx's substructure/superstructure a little too much. But it does seem to be pretty true. And I wish it weren't.

Photo Challenge
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show



I guess it's not technically a photo, but I think it's funny. So it's staying. I could use a little Office-Therapy tonight...

Sweet Nectar

Today was a progressive day, which is really a pretty good kind of day to have and it was unexpected. I did not sleep well last night. It took me forever to fall asleep and I didn't do very well at staying asleep either. Since my phone screen is no longer working, I can't use my phone as an alarm either, so B woke me up this morning and it startled me half to death for some reason. Then I was just grumpy. Today was also probably one of the most dangerous days of my pedestrian life. Just walking from my dorm to chapel, I saw three people slip and fall. I feel like you can tell when the roads are bad when you see a lot of cars in the ditch. Today, it was people in snowbanks. Taking the sidewalk was a risk. Everything was just one thin layer of ice. And as if that wasn't scary enough, I had to dodge the caterpillar snow plows that were driving around everywhere. I almost got hit twice! I never knew simply walking to class or chapel could be so dangerous! Thank you, bipolar Michigan weather. I played catch in the grass without a coat two days ago... And now I'm scared to walk on the sidewalk.

Anyways, I managed to make it to chapel without slipping and dying. Chapel was okay. I didn't really agree with the speaker so much, and I may or may not have slapped Corey for touching my ankle. After chapel, I had class which went pretty well today. I went to lunch, and they had chicken and mashed potato bowls, which are one of my favorites. B and I played ping pong, and then I went off to my next two classes. Social Stratification was boring today, which is rare for that class, but choir went pretty well. I asked George to teach me how to lean with it rock with it. He mostly just laughed at me. I hope he gives me a real lesson. Then my Soulja Boy dance would be complete. I ate dinner with Cassie and worked on hw in the library with Emily and Eric. And then, wonderfulness continued to expand through my evening.

First, I was signed up to scorekeep for an intramural basketball game tonight. But.... IT WAS A FORFEIT!!!! Which meant I got paid $8 to dink around in my dorm room for an hour :) Those are always the best. And then we had our volleyball game tonight against the Apartments/K houses, and I may honestly say that it was the most fun volleyball game I've ever been a part of. Our team was on TOP of it tonight! Everyone played soooo awesome! And we won! And it was so much fun to be a part of! Oh my goodness I felt like a proud parent. And I got my first teammate butt tap of the year. I don't even know who it was. But it made it feel like I was on a high school sports team again :) It was seriously so much fun. Then I got back, and found out that SOCIAL WORK PRACTICE WITH INDIVIDUALS AND FAMILIES GOT CANCELLED!!!!!! That is my least favorite class this semester, and is also my earliest class, so I get to sleep in tomorrow :) I seriously did a dance and jumped and screamed and man it was just a great night! Love those kinds of nights. Now I'm working on a paper. Which isn't the best, but I can take it after all the wonderful blessings of the evening.


Photo Challenge
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest



Good ole Livia. Here's a classic summer picture of us, tank tops, pit stains, doofy smiles and all. In hopes that it will encourage warm weather to come quickly, of course. But seriously. Best friends with this girl since kindergarten. And I don't see that changing anytime soon :) Love you Liv!

I'm the prodigal with no way home

So. New background, new picture. I tried to change the background to something else again, but it didn't work. Not to my knowledge anyway. But I like the picture anyway.

I realized today I am a lot like Elijah. Last weekend at the retreat, Sarah talked about an Elijah story I wasn't as familiar with. It's the story of what happens right after the Elijah story that I AM very familiar with. In I Kings 18, it talks about when all the Baal prophets are like, yo, Elijah, let's have your god and our god have a faceoff, and whoever's god burns up the altar wins and gets to smite the other. And Elijah's like bring it on. And the Baal prophets try and nothing happens, and then Elijah pours water all over the altar and stuff, and God just like, obliterates it, and then Elijah slaughters a bunch of people. But then in I Kings 19, which is the one I'm not as familiar with, Jezebel hears about what Elijah did to all the Baal prophets and basically says, hey I'm gonna kill you.

Elijah runs for his life into the wilderness and comes to some bush and asks God to kill him pretty much. Then he falls asleep, his angel in shining golden blonde hair wisps to his side so lovingly (this part is embellished a little for reasons that probably only Marissa will understand) and etc etc, and finally he ends up in this cave, and God is like "What are you doing here?" and he basically says "I've been faithful to you, God, but it's not really working out for me. I'm not seeing any of the benefits from my zeal. Actually, people want to straight up murder me." So God tells him to stand on a mountain, and God sends some crazy wind, and an earthquake and huge fire, that are all empty of God's presence, and then God shows up in a "still small voice."

I feel like lately, I have a bit of the whine in my voice that Elijah did. Elijah feels like he's been pretty faithful and deserves better treatment than being Samaria's most wanted. I've noticed myself bringing up some of the same claims. "God, I feel like I've been pretty faithful through some intense storms this last year or so, but here I sit again in an uncomfortable place. When will it be my turn for what everyone else is getting? When will it be my turn for peace that lasts longer than 3 months? Or even 3 days?!?" I've realize that I have to wait for God's timing and bla bla bla, and trust that He will be faithful just like He's always been and that this will make so much more sense in the end. But I'm having a hard time with not being able to recognize what lesson it is He's trying to teach me, and why He's deciding to teach me it now. "God, I've been pretty good. It's about time I get some goodness back."

I've realized that I've put some pretty ridiculous expectations on my God who has already done over and above what He "owes," me. He really owes me hell. He owes me separation. He owes letting me deal with the consequences of my own sin and the sin of this world that my nature contributed to. Basically, He doesn't owe me anything good. But out of His grace, He gave me salvation. He gave me light. He gave me blessing. He gave me everything I don't deserve. And just because I sometimes respond positively back to Him, doesn't mean He owes me something more in return, even though I've realized I tend to think that way. The truth is, even if God didn't give a single blessing more all the rest of my days, even if I couldn't sense His presence ever again, and never reaped a single benefit from my "good deeds," or "faithfulness," what He's already given me so far is more than enough reason to continue being faithful to Him and to trust Him for the rest of my life, as bad and as hard as it may get.

It reminds me of that line in "Wedding Dress," by Derek Webb that never fails to convict me:

Should I read between the lines
And look for blessings in disguise,
To make me handsome, rich, and wise?
Is that really what you want?"

Sometimes, I forget that I don't have faith in God so that I get blessings. I don't follow God because I get to be smarter, or because serving Him brings so much joy. Not because He brings blessings to my life. I have faith in God, number 1 because He chose me as His, but number 2, because He gave me this promise that nothing compares to. He forgave me, He transformed me, and He gave me hope. I didn't hold on to my faith through the hard times in order to make God feel like He owed me good. I don't love Him and seek to feed His Lambs so that God will pat me on the back and give me a husband and money and happiness and a brand new car. I'm not nice to people so that I don't sit in my room by myself. I do it because He took my heart that was not capable of these things, and gave it a light that seeks them out, whether or not I get anything back. He doesn't owe me anything.

Every day is a struggle with this. Every day is a struggle period. But I will wait for the still small voice. And even if none of this ever makes sense and even if it has no meaning (though I'm sure it does) I will do my best to choose patience every day anyway. God wants my love, not to start up a barter system. And if I get to see some benefit someday, awesome. But I shouldn't count on it as my motivation to be faithful and good.

I think I want to do this facebook 30 day photo challenge thing, except on here. Soooo here it goes.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts



1. Tonight, I was chewing on a bottle and when I went to grab it, it ended up hitting me in the face. Twice. I'm not sure how that happened.
2. The sound of people brushing their teeth, including myself, gives me the shivers and gives my legs goosebumps. I hate that noise. (excluding electric toothbrushes)
3. I can make myself look pregnant.
4. My least favorite color is yellow. Sorry, E.
5. I am hair-folically challenged. I don't know how to do my own hair beyond doing a ponytail. And now that I have bangs, I can't really do that either.
6. I think most people would assume that I don't really like dressing up. It's quite the opposite. I really love dressing up quite a bit, I just don't do it very often. Mostly because people always freak out when I do.
7. I have moles in my armpits, and it was not until my sophomore year of college that I gathered enough braveness to shave them with a real razor instead of an electric one.
8. I like my middle name better than my first name, but I think my first name probably suits me better.
9. If I have kids, I want sons and not daughters. Not that I wouldn't love my daughters, but I think I'd be a better mom to sons.
10. My first-ever, crush (non-animated animal) was Gary Coffee, a black baseball player for the Lansing Lugnuts. I almost got his autograph.

Whatever my lot, Oh, teach me to say....

So I apologize for my lack of posting lately. I've had a lot on my mind, a lot that I could have said, but I did not think it wise to share it here. Or anywhere really. It's been turning around inside, which isn't particularly wise either. But what can you do? This last week has been a journey, and not really my favorite kind of journey. But life weaves and winds, and we learn and relearn, and find and re-find. But tonight was something that I needed.

I started out this year empty, broken, and pretty close to lifeless. My heart ached in ways it hadn't before, and I experienced depths of alone that I hadn't experienced before. Then, things got better. God showed me that there were lots of people around me that loved me, and in time, made me aware of HIS presence again too. I found a sort of contentment, a certain sense of peace. But this last week, I have been plagued with an apprehension about what this semester is going to look like. I have been plagued with a fear of not meaning anything to people who mean a lot to me. I need not get into detail, but first semester, God seemed to be teaching me that I wasn't alone and that there's lots of people around me who cared. So far second semester, it seems as though He is teaching me to be okay and content when I am alone and there are no people around. So far, I'm not so good at it. I've always really wanted to mean something to people, and I'm finding that there are different ways you can mean something to people. Sometimes, you have to search for it. Sometimes, you just have to accept that you don't.

Anyways, last night, things seemed to have reached a head and I got in my car and drove around for 2 and a half hours. I drove around Albion, Marshall, Battle Creek, and towards Kalamazoo, listened to some Underoath, What Sarah Says, and random worship songs, and cried some tears and told God that I was not interested in going back to the loneliness I had felt first semester. I got back and felt a little better, but I wouldn't really call it peace.

Tonight, they had WAVE instead of Deeper. God spoke to me in a way that I hadn't been spoken to in awhile. We were in the chapel at SAFMC, which was where my Grandma's funeral was almost 6 months ago. I've been in there since my Grandma's funeral, and that was fine, until they played "It Is Well," which is the song I played at my Grandma's funeral almost 6 months ago. That song in that room was very emotional for me, but it was honestly exactly what I needed. It was kind of like God took me back and showed me where I've been, where I am, and how far we've come. They played "Desert Song" tonight, which had resonated quite a lot in 2010. There were also times that I had no song that resonated with my heart because music had more joy than I could muster. Then He brought me to THAT song in THAT room. I remembered how afraid I was that I was alone and how those were some of my darkest days. But I remembered how God brought me through them. How, in His time, He provided. I was reminded of how far I've come and how much I've learned and how my relationship with Him has deepened. It made me cry, for sure, but it wasn't a terribly sad cry. It was tears of realization. It was tears of victory. It was tears inspired by knowing that the God that provided peace for me when my soul felt lifeless and my heart felt hopeless will provide peace for me this semester too, no matter what happens.

It was also an odd, but beautiful contrast, because we sang that song after communion. The last time I sang that song in that room, I was facing the death of my Grandmother. This time, it was Christ's death that we were commemorating, His body that was broken and overtaken by death as the result of my depraved heart. But tonight, I was given an overwhelming reminder of Christ's victory and His presence. Christ resurrected, and that is what makes all the difference. Christ can bring resurrection and life to any person, any situation, no matter how dark, how desperate, how dead, or how downtrodden. I was reminded of how truly great Christ's love is for me, even through the darkness, and that no matter my lot, God is teaching me to trust that He'll continue to provide, and that it will be well with my soul. He is my Emmanuel. He is what gives my life purpose, value, worth, and meaning. He is what will be in the room with me when everyone else has someone else to be with. He is the God that gives us the opportunity for contentment and peace, no matter the circumstance. I pray He continues to teach me what that looks like.

I realized tonight that I haven't really thanked God much for what He's done in my life this year and how's He's proven Himself faithful once again. I went to my Grandmother's grave and got on my knees and cried much like I did in September, October, even in November. Though I did remember the tears I shed with my family when I watched my Grandma's chest stop rising, and I remembered the bitter tears that I cried the weeks after from that very same spot, but I shed very different tears tonight. First semester, I sat on my knees in tears at my Grandma's grave, saying "Why'd you leave me here, God? Why did you do this? Why am I alone?" Tonight, the only thoughts that came to my head as I sat in the exact same place with tears in my eyes were "Thank you, Jesus." Praise God for the holy darkness. Praise Him because He comes through. Praise Him because He brought me through and refuses to leave me where I think it's safest to stay.

He reminded me of all that tonight. My journey through loneliness, and His provision of faithfulness. For the first night in quite a few weeks, I have peace. I'm not sure if it's here to stay, but nonetheless, praise God, tonight, I do have peace.

I'm Off to See the Wizard

Wellll I am off to Lapeer for the weekend! A paid worship gig at Camp Lael with Wes Lawton, CB, and MARISSA YAY!!!!! Should be a good time. Perhaps the Wizard of Oz will be there, but probably not. Hmm... I wonder what I would ask for if I got to see him. Hmm..... probably........ sleep. Or an arrowbow.

This week was..... interesting. Not the best. Not the worst. I'm making it by. Last night, we dressed hott and saw the Music Man, which was excellent, even though there ended up being a LOT of people there that I had to try to avoid. Which is strange because I don't really feel like there's a whole lot of people in my life that I need to avoid. They all decided to come last night.

Time for me to go pack! Peace and blessings.

Ups and Downs

That is what today was. Up and down and up and down. Right now, I'm down. I wish that I was up cuz then I would write more about some of the ups that I had today. They really were pretty good and I had this all planned out in my head. But now I'm down, and I feel much more like going to bed rather than talking about my ups.

Also, sidenote, my suitemates need to show me how to change my layout...

Knowing the good things in life don't cost a dime

Today was just a spectacular Saturday. Actually, these last 3 have been a magnificent smorgasbord of Saturdays. And I only missed that word by one letter the first time I tried to spell it :) But truly, I have had three very different Saturdays that have all turned out to be pretty wonderful. B's house was great, camp was great, and this one was just great. Guess God wanted to correct my view of Saturdays being awful. And I'm not complaining.

I came home around 7 last night and lounged on the couch. It's my typical home-coming routine. I walk in the door, hug my parents, bat my eyes and ask my dad to carry my stuff in from the car, and then lay down on the couch and don't move for several hours. We usually watch TV and I generally fall asleep somewhere between 8:30 and 10 and awaken at some point during the evening news or the David Letterman show. Last night I made it til about 10 and woke up during the sports cast. Usually after that I go straight to bed, but I got to sleep in yesterday, so I ended up staying up til 4. I got sucked into a Criminal Minds marathon/tetris tornado. You can't quit a Criminal Minds episode halfway through, it's just too creepy, and they started them one right after the other, no commercial between. And tetris is seriously like cocaine to me. Once I start, I CANNOT stop. It's a problem. So 4 AM it was. However, my Dad put in new sinks, so I didn't wake up my parents while brushing my teeth with a super squeaky faucet. Next step is to remove the squeak from the stairs...

I woke up around 12:30, got dressed and such, and then rode with to Swartz Creek to watch my niece and nephew's basketball games. I just don't think I can even explain how wonderful it is to be an aunt. Just seeing those kids warms a spot in my heart that no one else can reach. They are one of the few reasons I am still considering reproducing, because if it feels like this to be an aunt, it must feel even better to be a mom. But anyways. Kacie won and tore it up out there. Had several points and played excellent and aware defense, and JD's team controversially lost though we're nearly certain they tied. He had several points, but he played the best defense I've ever seen him play and nothing makes this aunt more proud than some tenacious defense. That was not supposed to be a Jack Black reference. What is even better than watching them play basketball is hearing them say "Aww, do you have to leave? Why can't you spend the night?!? PLEEASEEE spend the night! I don't want you to leave!"

After the game, we went to their house and they excitedly showed me their new rooms. Kacie's rearranged her furniture and her room's pretty sweet looking, and JD got a new room that is now painted in Spartan green with a Spartan shrine in the corner, and we played one-on-one basketball on a basketball rim that was up to roughly my eyebrows. I had a bit of an advantage :) We ate lunch/dinner and played some games on the Wii. I just can't believe how grown up they are getting. But they are darling kids and I wish I could just the hug them to pieces right now. Being and aunt and getting to be with (and watch and hug and play with) your niece and nephew automatically makes a Saturday a step above the rest. Have I made it clear just how much I love those kids and how much they mean to me?

We drove straight from their house to Riverview. It was a full house tonight! I've never seen it that full. As usual, it was sound preaching, great music, and good coffee. I really do love that church. We came home and I played the piano for awhile for my parents. Then my parents and I discussed subjects with religious and political undertones for quite some time. To some, this may sound like an awful idea, but it really is one of my favorite things to do when I'm home. I trust and respect my parents, and though we sometimes go head-to-head on things, they really just help me to challenge my perspective. My mother is incredibly discerning, and my dad is very gentle and wise, and if I want anyone to challenge my perspective, it'll be them. I respect my parents so much, and I am SOOO thankful to God that I have a home that I love being at and parents that I love talking to and a relationship with them that includes mutual respect and love. I'm proud of my parents and I know they're proud of me, and there is little that is worth more than that in this world. Sometimes I just wonder why on earth God has blessed me so deeply and so widely.

Tomorrow will consist of correcting A LOT of papers and Superbowl partying it up! Woohoo! Go Packers! But this will be after I go to bed at 2:30 tonight because I WILL NOT turn on the TV, and I WILL NOT start a game of Tetris! Good for me. Haha.

I almost just blew my nose into a drier sheet...

You are USELESS to me

Well, I got as close to a snow day yesterday as I'll probably ever get for the rest of my life. Which means I got one class cancelled. But when you only have two classes and chapel, that's a pretty good deal. I skipped chapel. I hear it was a good one, but I needed to sleep. I was SOOO congested yesterday morning. Besides eating meals and going to Social Stratification, I spent most of the day on the futon blowing my nose. I used enough tissues to develop the "addict" look (thank you B) and also discovered some blue tissues halfway through the box. That was fun, almost like a prize at the bottom of the cereal box. I also utilized many double-torpedoes (see picture below.) It was actually pretty marvelous. Not so much the nose-blowing, but I love the occasional veg days. I watched Robin Hood twice, once consciously and once unconsciously. I haven't watched it in ages. We didn't own it, so I'm not really even sure I've seen it all the way through. I've come to the conclusion that foxes are so boss. I feel like a tool saying that, but seriously, foxes are just the coolest. I had started to feel this way after watching "The Fantastic Mr.Fox," but Robin Hood really just confirmed it for me. I have a confession. I thought my crushes on animated animals had ended once Simba and I didn't work out and I moved on to Aladdin, but I kind of have a little thing for Robin Hood now. He's such a fox. There's probably something deeply psychologically wrong with me, but at least I'm up front about it. Ooh de lolly ooh de lolly golly what a day.

So despite having 16 credits, I'm pretty sure I'm going to enjoy this semester. All of my classes (except one) have proven to be enjoyable and intriguing so far. My favorite is Practice Interviewing, which I would NOT have guessed coming in. But I LOVE Nate Foster! My gosh he is just so good at teaching! And he teaches wonderful, applicable things too. He's just so cool. I may or may not have been writing "I <3 Nathan Foster" in the margins of my notebook when he decided to move from the front of the classroom to next to me. That was embarrassing. But today we were talking about empowerment and finding and using people's strengths, and it just seems like a really great way to approach people. He described weaknesses as strengths that are out of proportion or somehow got a little distorted. At first I wasn't sure, but we tried it out, and it really is true. I also really like my Social Stratification class. It seems to really resonate with where a lot of my heart's hurts and passions lie. I don't think Sociological Theory will be terribly awesome, but I do like Jeremy Norwood and I do like Sociology. Research Design isn't my favorite, but I really like Amber and it's a smaller class. However, Social Work Practice with Individuals and Family, despite it's ridiculously long title, has not proven to be very good yet. The title sounds like a class that I've really been craving at this school, a course that will teach me exactly HOW to do my job. But so far, it's been her showing up late and rambling on about stuff with little structure. Maybe it will get better. I don't know. But on the bright side, I have gotten to know a couple girls in my "field" better, so that's been cool.

Well I am off to lunch and then Research Design, and then it is my weekend :) I LOVE not having class on Fridays.

I think my occasional suitemate, Subconcious B, hates me. Last night she told me that I was USELESS to her. And she told me it loud enough that Emily could hear her in the other room. I'm just not sure what to do...


Double Torpedo (with blue kleenex, I might add)