So, just as I believed, I failed in the motivation/free time department of blogging, and have sucked at updating. Normally, I would refrain from using "sucked" in my blogs, because I kind of aim to sound intelligent, but there really is no other word I can think of to use to describe my lack of entries.
Really, I've written a lot. I had a lot of papers to write, and actually, I've got some lyrics down for a couple songs, which is pretty impressive because it's been a couple years since I've really been inspired to write lots of music, more than one song every 6 months anyway. Then again, with a November like the November I just had, there's bound to be some type of artistic expression.
So what happened in my November? Well long story short, I thought I was dying of throat cancer, my boyfriend broke up with me, and my dog died. I was most devestated by the dog. I'm still soaking tissues for that one. I haven't cried over the boy since the night it happened. I kind of like it that way. Which perhaps points to the problem I've had with relationships...
Anyways. Perhaps it isn't so much the lack of motivation or time for the blogs. I think I just figure I can only blog under the influence of divine intervention, or blissful contentment, and loss of relationship, whether by decision or death, didn't really feel like that. In my last entry, I sounded so delighted to be living. Apparently that doesn't happen very often. Not to say that I'm not happy to be alive, or even enjoying life, I just can't sound that inspired everyday. In fact, I'd probably sound downright cynical. So here you go. Cynical rant of today:
After my breakup, I kinda realized I enjoy being single too much right now to really be committed to putting the work and time into a relationship. Honestly, between the days I've been with somebody and the single days, the latter have been the better. I thought I was pretty content. Then, I watched The Notebook. Now before you jump to conclusions and think that it turned me into a hopeless romantic, it just turned me hopeless.
I have an idea of what I want, but at the same time, I either feel like what I want doesn't exist, or that I actually haven't the slightest clue as to what I want. To make things worse, I discovered that a guy from high school that I secretly thought was the embodiment of the type of guy I wanted has grown a mullet. Not just any mullet. This is like, business-in-the-front, repunzel-can-climb-down-for-the-party-in-the-back mullet. I will never understand the fascination guys have with the mullet. Ever. Or their fascination with creepy, pedophile-in-the-trailer-park stache. To each his own I suppose.
I feel like a facebook bumper sticker, but really, I wish I would meet a guy that would prove to me that they're not all the same. I'm sick of the guys that want to "get some." I'm sick of the guys that say that they don't, but bail when you don't "put out" and run to some easy chick that does all the work for him. I'm also sick of guys that are too shy, and who you have to keep a paper bag handy for because they might hypervenelate if you so much as hug them. I guess I thought going to college would mean there were a bunch of men, but so far, all I've seen is just an extended population of boys.
I could sit here and depict what I want in a guy, create the stereotypic girl checklist for what I'm "shopping" for, and explain why all guys fail at these characteristics, but I won't. It's gotten old. I kind of just want to screw dating, and the whole idea of serious relationships for awhile. Ever since I hit puberty, dating advice and ideas about relationships have been crammed down my throat, and none of them have worked. Honestly, I'm tired of my only options being the "thou-shalt-not-touch" approach, and the "we-must-spend-every-waking-moment-making-everyone-around-us-nauseous" approach. I just want to flirt.
So here's to the single life, and just having fun, for heaven's sakes. And here's to peace of mind about any type of serious relationship. Until some guy comes and sweeps me off my feet and proves to be the right piece that fits perfectly into my puzzle of a heart, I'm just gonna be a girl that has some fun. If this piece even exists. I feel as though it may be years until I find him. Right now, guys are just boys who sing too loud, think they're too smart, and don't know a good girl when they see one.
I'm really just begging for some guy to try to prove me wrong...
No comments:
Post a Comment