I'm Burned Out and Wasted, but All Darkness Has Some Light

I am ready to be done with school and just about everything that goes with it. And I am trying so desperately hard not to check out, but it's getting really hard. At this point, a big part of me just wants to stay at home and finish out here. I am so sick of so much stuff.

School work is hard. And I'm sick of pulling an average of one all-nighter a week. But conflict is hard too. Especially unspoken conflict. And Kelsey has a really hard time figuring out what to say or do when something is bothering her. Some of my typical supports kinda fell through today, but I found other ones that I wasn't even aware I had.

I had a great talk with Lauren Schraa today. That girl gets me. And THANK GOD for her today. Every day really. But especially today. And then I had a good talk with Melanie Bigger. That was great. And then I had a good talk with Megan Wegener as well. And also, my Momma. I'm feeling like I have a bit of a better perspective and my chest feels a little lighter.

Sometimes, I get a little too pessimistic. Even after I talked to some of these people, I was thinking about how sometimes I wish I wasn't in a "Christian" environment, because when people let me down or treat me badly, I have a tendency to want to directly correlate it with God, or use it as a way to prove to myself that God can't actually change people. At least in a secular environment, when people treat us badly, we expect it a little more, or can't bring it back to God. But when you're in a place full of people who call themselves Christians, but they still don't know how to treat people, it makes me wonder if God really can change people and make us into anything that even resembles good. However, I am now realizing that while I did have some disappointments today, I couldn't get far without finding people that did care and who were willing to listen and encourage. And a couple of them were people that I never really would have pinpointed as the people that would be there for me. So to look on the bright side of things, whenever I am starting to truly wonder if I am alone and whether or not people care about me, God provides. It's too bad I don't realize it quicker.

That's my thoughts for the day. I need a couple days away from the Arbor. So this Child Welfare Conference will be good. Then maybe I'll be able to finish out a little stronger. I'd prefer to come out a little better than I came in.