I tell you what, basically all the other Bible studies I've been to have been kind of like "Okay, I think I got something out of that..." afterwards, but one week at Eve's Angels will give you enough to chew on for a month. There was me, my mom, and one other lady from our church, and then Anny the Bible study leader, as well as Laura and Shawny who are currently in the industry, Christine, who recently got out, her daughter Tanya (3) and her sister Marissa (17), some guy they brought with them, another girl named Tasha who was filling out community service hour slips the whole time, and Anna from Calvin. The topics were kind of all over the place and there is always something going on, including a couple F bombs and other choice words. Definitely the first Bible study I've gone to where someone used the f word, haha :) But I tell you what, this stuff is real. At first, Anny was talking about some weird stuff that was kind of sketchy, but my mom kind of set her straight, and then we started talking about the end times because of Japan and stuff, and really, the conversation was all over. But Anny and my mom laid out some important truths that I am desperately praying will permeate through these girls' hearts. Mine could use it too.
Please, Please PLEASE join me in praying for these girls! Laura and Shawny I think are still struggling with the assurance that they won't end up being in hell even though they know Jesus. They were struggling with the Matthew 24 and 25 passages and seemed to be afraid that they would be one that God would cast into hell even though they expected to go to heaven (Praise God, these girls are in their Bibles and I would say know them better than probably half of Spring Arbor University students. But they need some prayer that the Holy Spirit will help them to interpret it right and not let Satan twist God's truth). Christine is in good spirits and has so much light in her, but reality is that she just quit the industry in January and is still unemployed and found out last week she is pregnant. So that's a lot to overcome. And please pray so so so hard for Marissa. You can see the weight of the world in her eyes, and she was talking tonight about how she doesn't really believe there is a heaven and hell and has been trying to give God a chance but doesn't really see Him doing anything. I have never seen hopelessness more real than tonight when I saw it in Marissa. My heart breaks for her, and she has already experienced so much that I cannot even fathom. Anny was trying to talk to her, but there is only so much talk can do and meeting physical needs can do. This girl has been robbed spiritually her whole life. She has been fed so much darkness and I just pray she will be able to see the Light of God that can show up in any and every situation. Oh, dear God, bring her Your Light!
I had so many emotions leaving tonight. You think you have things pretty well figured out, that you can answer the hard questions and can refute the doubt in your mind and that you've finally become fool proof. And then you realize your answers are only sufficient in a white-collar, middle-class, "you were born blessed" kind of a way. It's so hard to know what to say to a girl who asks "Well where was God?" when you know that you struggled with that question when your dog died and she is struggling with that question because her mom locked her in her closet and deprived her of food and sold her to men for drug money and called her a whore all her life. Sometimes we get so comfortable in our little perfect churchy worlds that we don't realize that the world is a real place that's a real mess with some seriously real pain and some real hard questions. At least I do. My darkness doesn't seem so dark when I know what these girls have been in their lives and where they go to work every night. It's hard to say "God can be light in every darkness," when their darkness seems so much thicker. I do believe my God can be light in the darkest of darkness, but it's hard to know how to get these girls to see it when I would have nightmares just after watching a movie based off of their lives. And it breaks my heart that Shawny and Laura seem to struggle with understanding that God wants to be with them for eternity. I do not come to grips with the understanding that I am a wretch. They do not come to grips with the understanding that they are a treasure. I pray the words of "Before the Throne of God Above," would become so real in their lives. Oh, that they would know that "before the throne of God above, they have a STRONG and PERFECT plea, a great High Priest whose name is Love, who ever lives and PLEADS for them. Their names are graven on His hands, their names are written on His heart. And that they would know that while in heaven He stands, no tongue can bid them thence depart." And oh, how I pray that "when Satan tempts them to despair and tells them of the guilt within, upward they will look and see Him there who made an end to all their sin. BECAUSE A SINLESS SAVIOR DIED, THEIR SINFUL SOULS ARE COUNTED FREE, FOR GOD, THE JUST, IS SATISFIED TO LOOK ON HIM AND PARDON THEM, TO LOOK ON HIM AND PARDON ME."
Anny and my mom talked about how Matthew 24 and 25 is talking about people who fall for False Prophets, but people who fall for False Prophets are those who do not know their Shepherd's voice. Anny also talked about how in the government, there are people who can pick out counterfeits easily because they have microscopically studied and know the real thing. She said that God is the same way, and we need to study and get to know God so well that when counterfeits come up, we will know right away that it's not God because we know our Shepherd's voice and we know what God and the things of God look like. She also said that things like the earthquakes in Japan remind us that life is temporary and we need to get going now and be obedient now and stop messing around. She also talked about how when we get salvation, we get the full steak dinner. But if we continue to consciously fall for sin, it doesn't mean that we get the steak dinner taken away from us, it just means that we're nibbling on a french fry when we've been promised the full steak dinner. And she wants the whole dang steak. God promises victory over sin, and when we choose not to be victorious over some area of sin in our lives, it doesn't mean that God's grace doesn't work anymore, it just means that we're short-changing the implications of our own salvation. This puts Eve's Angels into a better perspective for me.
I guess that's where this title comes in a little too. We sure as heck make things complicated. Sin sure as heck makes things complicated. But truly, I am thankful for God's kind of loving because it is simple. He loves me. He chose me. He has grace for me. And because God took me as a wretch and made me into a treasure, my life has so much more. It won't be easy, but at the end of the day, it is simple. God's love remains no matter what else is trying to make my life complicated. I am thankful tonight for the pure, simple love of God. There are no strings attached. Hallelujah, hallelujah, Praise the One Risen Son of God.
Well, I could probably keep going for another 6 sections or so, but this blog is already long enough. But like I said, there is enough from tonight to keep me chewing for awhile. The biggest thing I've taken away from it is that I need to pray pray pray for victory over Satan for these girls. I swear to you guys, they are such bright and beautiful people. They're not hard to like and they're not hard to want so much more for. I can only imagine how much our God pines for their complete victory and for them to grasp how He sees them as a treasure. Please pray for these girls with me. God, send them light and truth and defeat Satan's lies right now.
Well I'm off to bed. Goodnight all.
Friday, March 18, 2011
The stuff that doesn't really seem to matter so much:
Today was an odd day with lots of strange combinations of events. Also lots of combinations of emotions, most of them edging on the angst-y side... but I feel like today was an important day. Not bad... just peculiar.
I started out by having an awful dream that I didn't realize that I was in Stats until after we got back after Spring Break and I was so behind and knew I was gonna fail, and I was just in the basement of Whiteman Gibbs SOBBING for an hour or so. Then I woke up and laid out in the sun for an hour. I didn't think it was doing much, but I definitely did get a little color, particularly in my cheeks. It feels so good to feel the sun in my skin. I also got my promise ring today :) That made me excited. And it fits! My mom got it for me for Christmas but we had a lot of trouble getting the size right. But it's all good now. My mom and I headed to Howell outlet mall today, which was actually rather exhausting and frustrating. I simply wanted a one-piece swimsuit, some flip flops, some capris, shoes for camp, and a nice sun dress. This turned out to be much more complicated than I realized. After the first hour or so at the mall, all I had purchased were Old Navy flip flops and capris from Aeropostale which I could have just as easily acquired at Meridian Mall which is much closer than Howell. At that point, my mom gave me a 15 minute warning, which really turned into an hour, but nonetheless, I covered quite a bit of ground in that hour. It was kind of like speed shopping. My mom likes that kind of shopping, but I find it much less enjoyable and more exhausting. I swear I tried on just about every dress in the entire outlet, but they pretty much all seemed to be hiding the fact that I have any body shape at all (maternity dress-like). So that was a bust. But I did find camp shoes, a tasteful one-piece swimsuit, and some shoes for camp. On top of that, I also found some replacement adidas sandals for the ones I lost at a very good price. So that redeemed the frustration of the process a little.
After that, my mom and I scurried off to the church for Eve's Angels Bible study, but I want to get into that later because I want to get all of the superficially stuff over with. The stuff that doesn't really matter. As predicted, my bracket is A MESS!!! All the upsets I picked didn't happen, and all the ones I didn't pick, or came REALLY close to picking, did happen. And Michigan State lost :( :( :( They were down 23 in the second half and came within one but couldn't quite finish it. It was a heartbreaker. But that's how my basketball luck went today. *sigh* Better luck next year. It figures that the year I don't have choir tour and wouldn't have to fight so hard to get a tv is the year they don't even make it past the first round. Okay. Done grumbling.
I started out by having an awful dream that I didn't realize that I was in Stats until after we got back after Spring Break and I was so behind and knew I was gonna fail, and I was just in the basement of Whiteman Gibbs SOBBING for an hour or so. Then I woke up and laid out in the sun for an hour. I didn't think it was doing much, but I definitely did get a little color, particularly in my cheeks. It feels so good to feel the sun in my skin. I also got my promise ring today :) That made me excited. And it fits! My mom got it for me for Christmas but we had a lot of trouble getting the size right. But it's all good now. My mom and I headed to Howell outlet mall today, which was actually rather exhausting and frustrating. I simply wanted a one-piece swimsuit, some flip flops, some capris, shoes for camp, and a nice sun dress. This turned out to be much more complicated than I realized. After the first hour or so at the mall, all I had purchased were Old Navy flip flops and capris from Aeropostale which I could have just as easily acquired at Meridian Mall which is much closer than Howell. At that point, my mom gave me a 15 minute warning, which really turned into an hour, but nonetheless, I covered quite a bit of ground in that hour. It was kind of like speed shopping. My mom likes that kind of shopping, but I find it much less enjoyable and more exhausting. I swear I tried on just about every dress in the entire outlet, but they pretty much all seemed to be hiding the fact that I have any body shape at all (maternity dress-like). So that was a bust. But I did find camp shoes, a tasteful one-piece swimsuit, and some shoes for camp. On top of that, I also found some replacement adidas sandals for the ones I lost at a very good price. So that redeemed the frustration of the process a little.
After that, my mom and I scurried off to the church for Eve's Angels Bible study, but I want to get into that later because I want to get all of the superficially stuff over with. The stuff that doesn't really matter. As predicted, my bracket is A MESS!!! All the upsets I picked didn't happen, and all the ones I didn't pick, or came REALLY close to picking, did happen. And Michigan State lost :( :( :( They were down 23 in the second half and came within one but couldn't quite finish it. It was a heartbreaker. But that's how my basketball luck went today. *sigh* Better luck next year. It figures that the year I don't have choir tour and wouldn't have to fight so hard to get a tv is the year they don't even make it past the first round. Okay. Done grumbling.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
My head hurts...
Yesterday, I considered blogging, but realized I did not have a whole lot to talk about. Unfortunately, on days when there is a lot to say, there is no time to say it. But on days when there is little of significance to talk about, that is when I have all the time in the world to talk, leaving me very susceptible to filling in details that no one really cares about. I did actually change my clothes and brush my hair and leave the house briefly yesterday, but besides that and watching more movies, there wasn't a whole lot that went on.
Today, however, was a productive day. I showered, got dressed, put on some make up, and Mom and I went about the town. We started out at Hobby Lobby and got a couple craft things to do with the kids this weekend. Then we went to Secretary of State and waited in line to get a ticket only to wait again in chairs, where my mom saw Christine which is one of the girls from the Eve's Angel's Bible Study (exotic dancer Bible study). I've been praying for Christine, and it was kind of cool to meet someone I've been praying for. I was so proud of my mom for being able to go somewhere like the Secretary of State, and run into an ex-stripper she knew. My mom. My white-haired, 60-year-old mother. And it was evident from how Christine greeted my mom that my mom is someone special to her. My mom said today that those are "her girls." She also told me the other day of a homeless guy she's been working with in the church who was just able to buy a house, and he bought my mom flowers and hugged her and told her "I just love you." In my opinion, that makes my mom's faith just so credible. What kind of Christian are you if you don't know anyone outside of the realm of ideal, model, brushed and polished Christianity? Jesus loved the outcasts, He went where love got messy and dirty, and if we don't, then are we really like Him? Sorry. I'm starting to preach. But I love how much mom treats people. And I love being able to see so much light come from someone who has come from a life full of darkness. What an awesome God we serve! And oh, what a world He loves...
I went to SofS to get my license renewed, but that ended up being a bust, cuz my mom wanted me to get an enhanced license, and to get that, I needed my birth certificate, which I didn't bring. So I got all cute for nothing. Oh well. It shall come soon enough. After that, we stopped in at Bed Bath and Beyond and got a dirty clothes hamper with a shoulder strap. I do not think I can explain to you how much this excites me. Because seriously, the number one thing I dread most about going back to school is carrying that stupid hamper. It's awkward, no matter what, and the handles always rip off after the second use anyway, and it weighs a thousand pounds. But now, it has a shoulder strap. The weight will be distributed much more evenly, and it's not so awkward! Seriously a relief. Then we went to Medawars to get a ring resized, and then went to Eastwood Town Center to get some clothes. I got quite a few cute shirts in springy colors (some pinkish and purple stuff too, since I look good in those colors but don't have a whole lot of them). The guy in Aeropostale was really nice. After that, we got some Panchero's and came back to the house and ate. And pathetically, since then, I have been working on something that ties in with today's photo challenge:
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Happy March Madness everyone! Yes, I have been slaving over my bracket. Which is ridiculous because it will probably turn out like a Jeremy Norwood paper. You research and work forever on a product you are proud of, and then it gets slaughtered. This is the first year I've actually done some investigating before filling it out. And actually, out of the little competition group I made, (me, B, E, Aaron, Oliver, Eric) I picked the most upsets (excluding Emily, but she's quite the outlier. She asked me the other day what the NCAA was, and she has both Duke and Ohio State losing the first round). I realized almost at the end of the process that I almost solely based my picks off of the little reports in our newspaper, and based off of MSU's description, they weren't terribly reliable. But I'm hoping that MSU's was just vague because they figured we'd already know about them. But anyways. My bracket is complete, ready to be led to slaughter at noon tomorrow. Bring on the Madness.
Now do not get me wrong. It is not the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament, March Madness that I hate. I rather love it actually. Probably an unhealthy amount. It is Duke Blue Devil basketball that I hate. Look at the rich boy, white swagger in those eyes. That kid thinks he's the fricken stuff! And what the heck is a blue devil anyways? Everyone knows devils come from hell and hell is not blue. To be honest, I can't really fully explain why I hate Duke so much. I just do. I don't even hate Krzyzewski. He's a respectable coach with a ridiculously spelled last name. I think it's probably because they win so much and it's just kind of like, "Oh. Duke won again." But they can be some cocky little buggers. There is very little in this world I hate more than cocky. Anyways, I have Duke losing to U of M. It's mostly wishful thinking, but how sweet would that be? And they don't call it madness for nothing.
Well if you will excuse me, I am going to fall asleep to the sound of George Clooney's voice. Happy March Madness :)
Today, however, was a productive day. I showered, got dressed, put on some make up, and Mom and I went about the town. We started out at Hobby Lobby and got a couple craft things to do with the kids this weekend. Then we went to Secretary of State and waited in line to get a ticket only to wait again in chairs, where my mom saw Christine which is one of the girls from the Eve's Angel's Bible Study (exotic dancer Bible study). I've been praying for Christine, and it was kind of cool to meet someone I've been praying for. I was so proud of my mom for being able to go somewhere like the Secretary of State, and run into an ex-stripper she knew. My mom. My white-haired, 60-year-old mother. And it was evident from how Christine greeted my mom that my mom is someone special to her. My mom said today that those are "her girls." She also told me the other day of a homeless guy she's been working with in the church who was just able to buy a house, and he bought my mom flowers and hugged her and told her "I just love you." In my opinion, that makes my mom's faith just so credible. What kind of Christian are you if you don't know anyone outside of the realm of ideal, model, brushed and polished Christianity? Jesus loved the outcasts, He went where love got messy and dirty, and if we don't, then are we really like Him? Sorry. I'm starting to preach. But I love how much mom treats people. And I love being able to see so much light come from someone who has come from a life full of darkness. What an awesome God we serve! And oh, what a world He loves...
I went to SofS to get my license renewed, but that ended up being a bust, cuz my mom wanted me to get an enhanced license, and to get that, I needed my birth certificate, which I didn't bring. So I got all cute for nothing. Oh well. It shall come soon enough. After that, we stopped in at Bed Bath and Beyond and got a dirty clothes hamper with a shoulder strap. I do not think I can explain to you how much this excites me. Because seriously, the number one thing I dread most about going back to school is carrying that stupid hamper. It's awkward, no matter what, and the handles always rip off after the second use anyway, and it weighs a thousand pounds. But now, it has a shoulder strap. The weight will be distributed much more evenly, and it's not so awkward! Seriously a relief. Then we went to Medawars to get a ring resized, and then went to Eastwood Town Center to get some clothes. I got quite a few cute shirts in springy colors (some pinkish and purple stuff too, since I look good in those colors but don't have a whole lot of them). The guy in Aeropostale was really nice. After that, we got some Panchero's and came back to the house and ate. And pathetically, since then, I have been working on something that ties in with today's photo challenge:
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Happy March Madness everyone! Yes, I have been slaving over my bracket. Which is ridiculous because it will probably turn out like a Jeremy Norwood paper. You research and work forever on a product you are proud of, and then it gets slaughtered. This is the first year I've actually done some investigating before filling it out. And actually, out of the little competition group I made, (me, B, E, Aaron, Oliver, Eric) I picked the most upsets (excluding Emily, but she's quite the outlier. She asked me the other day what the NCAA was, and she has both Duke and Ohio State losing the first round). I realized almost at the end of the process that I almost solely based my picks off of the little reports in our newspaper, and based off of MSU's description, they weren't terribly reliable. But I'm hoping that MSU's was just vague because they figured we'd already know about them. But anyways. My bracket is complete, ready to be led to slaughter at noon tomorrow. Bring on the Madness.
Now do not get me wrong. It is not the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament, March Madness that I hate. I rather love it actually. Probably an unhealthy amount. It is Duke Blue Devil basketball that I hate. Look at the rich boy, white swagger in those eyes. That kid thinks he's the fricken stuff! And what the heck is a blue devil anyways? Everyone knows devils come from hell and hell is not blue. To be honest, I can't really fully explain why I hate Duke so much. I just do. I don't even hate Krzyzewski. He's a respectable coach with a ridiculously spelled last name. I think it's probably because they win so much and it's just kind of like, "Oh. Duke won again." But they can be some cocky little buggers. There is very little in this world I hate more than cocky. Anyways, I have Duke losing to U of M. It's mostly wishful thinking, but how sweet would that be? And they don't call it madness for nothing.
Well if you will excuse me, I am going to fall asleep to the sound of George Clooney's voice. Happy March Madness :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Incandescently Happy
I believe I am probably, by now, by definition, a scrub. But I feel I have earned that right to be a total and complete lazy bum. And certainly, today, that is what I was. I did not get dressed. I have spent the majority of my day on my couch in my snuggie and I could not be happier.
I woke up around 2 and came downstairs. My mom had just gotten back from work. We chatted about less-than pleasant subjects, and then watched "You've Got Mail." Definitely my favorite Meg Ryan Tom Hanks flick. So good. Then we ate dinner and bummed around some more, until I somehow ended up watching the 3-hour finale of The Bachelor with my parents. I was originally planning on watching it upstairs but picked up on the fact that my mom would rather bare through three hours of the Bachelor than spend three hours not in the same room as me, so downstairs I went, and we all watched. They were troopers. My father, dare I say, actually got rather into it, and found the commercials to be a good opportunity to discuss the important pillars of love with me, which we have never discussed before. These conversations were followed by less-than subtle questions about my current interest. Oh daddy. It was rather comical. After that, they went off to bed, and I watched It's Complicated, which is hilarious by the way, and got about halfway through Pride and Prejudice when B skyped me. This was all fueled by more chocolate fudge brownie ice cream and chinese leftovers. I don't know what I would have eaten this week had my friends not bought ice cream and left their leftovers at my house on Friday night...
I confess that I have never really watched Pride and Prejudice. I have seen it before, but never really watched it. I have the hardest time understanding English accents, and I also have a hard time having an attention span that lasts more than 2 hours, particularly in movies without much action. Hence, the other times I've watched, I've gotten bored out of my mind or didn't pay close enough attention/could not understand what anyone was saying, and had no idea what was going on. But tonight, I have watched with subtitles, and I am rather fond of it. I feel like this is a large step in my feminism. Seriously though, Elizabeth is just so snarky I love it.
Well perhaps tomorrow I will at least get dressed. Or maybe not. We'll see :)
Photo Challenge
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with
Well, I couldn't just pick one picture to represent this girl and our "messed up" activities. I had a hard enough time just selecting one canoe picture. But for real. Adelyn MADE my senior year. She joined in on all of my crazy ideas and I joined in on many of hers. And goodness did we know how to have fun and make the best of our last year at LCS. Yes I do happen to be covered in face paint, wearing a du-rag in a public venue. Yes we did decide to sport trash bags and hang out in trash cans. Yeah, sure we played in the kiddy-pool stuff on retreat when it was roughly 50 degrees outside. We may or may not have created a canoe out of a cardboard box and paddled around the hallways singing "Just Around the River Bend" (and won best-dressed for Spirit Week 3 times that week I might add). It was all in a days work for Adelyn and me. And this barely scratches the surface. MAN I need to get some more of this girl in my life soon! Adelyn just has such a joyful spirit and no idea is too far-fetched for her. I hope there are many more "messed up" things to come.
I woke up around 2 and came downstairs. My mom had just gotten back from work. We chatted about less-than pleasant subjects, and then watched "You've Got Mail." Definitely my favorite Meg Ryan Tom Hanks flick. So good. Then we ate dinner and bummed around some more, until I somehow ended up watching the 3-hour finale of The Bachelor with my parents. I was originally planning on watching it upstairs but picked up on the fact that my mom would rather bare through three hours of the Bachelor than spend three hours not in the same room as me, so downstairs I went, and we all watched. They were troopers. My father, dare I say, actually got rather into it, and found the commercials to be a good opportunity to discuss the important pillars of love with me, which we have never discussed before. These conversations were followed by less-than subtle questions about my current interest. Oh daddy. It was rather comical. After that, they went off to bed, and I watched It's Complicated, which is hilarious by the way, and got about halfway through Pride and Prejudice when B skyped me. This was all fueled by more chocolate fudge brownie ice cream and chinese leftovers. I don't know what I would have eaten this week had my friends not bought ice cream and left their leftovers at my house on Friday night...
I confess that I have never really watched Pride and Prejudice. I have seen it before, but never really watched it. I have the hardest time understanding English accents, and I also have a hard time having an attention span that lasts more than 2 hours, particularly in movies without much action. Hence, the other times I've watched, I've gotten bored out of my mind or didn't pay close enough attention/could not understand what anyone was saying, and had no idea what was going on. But tonight, I have watched with subtitles, and I am rather fond of it. I feel like this is a large step in my feminism. Seriously though, Elizabeth is just so snarky I love it.
Well perhaps tomorrow I will at least get dressed. Or maybe not. We'll see :)
Photo Challenge
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with
Well, I couldn't just pick one picture to represent this girl and our "messed up" activities. I had a hard enough time just selecting one canoe picture. But for real. Adelyn MADE my senior year. She joined in on all of my crazy ideas and I joined in on many of hers. And goodness did we know how to have fun and make the best of our last year at LCS. Yes I do happen to be covered in face paint, wearing a du-rag in a public venue. Yes we did decide to sport trash bags and hang out in trash cans. Yeah, sure we played in the kiddy-pool stuff on retreat when it was roughly 50 degrees outside. We may or may not have created a canoe out of a cardboard box and paddled around the hallways singing "Just Around the River Bend" (and won best-dressed for Spirit Week 3 times that week I might add). It was all in a days work for Adelyn and me. And this barely scratches the surface. MAN I need to get some more of this girl in my life soon! Adelyn just has such a joyful spirit and no idea is too far-fetched for her. I hope there are many more "messed up" things to come.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
SPRING BREAK!!!!!!
Well, last week was a hellish week. I got swamped with work, but I finished almost all of it (the important stuff anyways) and came out with relative success I think. But long story short, after lots of work and not much sleep (pulled another all-nighter) it is SPRING BREAK!!!!
I am just staying at home and I could not be happier. Although my road trip with my parents was a lot a fun last year, I just need a week to relax. And truly relax. No one else is around, which is sad in some ways, but in others, it's kind of great because it will keep me from busying my break away. I truly do not remember the last time that I really just got to relax for an extended period of time. It has been a LONGGGG time.
Spring Break, thus far, has been amazing. Friday, after Stacey came and helped me finish cleaning the room, I headed home where Stacey, Marissa, and Livia met me. We had a girls night and it was SO. Much. Fun. We spent a couple hours on my bed just talking/giggling/laughing/reading my 7th grade journal etc... It was wonderful. I laughed to the point that my abs started cramping. Then we were headed to go to eat when I got stopped by an intense MSU vs. Purdue basketball game. I had to go watch it upstairs with my mom because my friends were making fun of my intensity. After MSU sealed a victory, we went into East Lansing and got Chinese at 9 pm from this place with a pushy, but very generous Chinese woman. Then we went to Bubble Island only to find that it closed at 10. So we went to WalMart and managed to spend over an hour in the store, picking out ribbons and ice cream. How that takes over an hour, I'm not sure. But we made it so. We came to my house and ate cookies and cream and chocolate fudge brownie ice cream straight from the carton while we made some headbands (for our craft time that is a necessity for every gathering). I know have green, tye-dye, and a blue zebra headbands to put on my not-headband-friendly-shaped head. We watched (500) Days of Summer, but all of us but one (Mariss) fell asleep.
On Saturday, we were supposed to leave at 1, but we didn't end up waking up until 1, so we all rushed and got ready and left a half hour late but ended up only being 10 minutes late (I may or may not have broken the speed limit. A lot.) It was me and my girls, my sisters, my parents, my niece and nephew, and my brother-in-law. Stace and Marissa said that my competitiveness makes more sense in the context of my family. My niece's game was rather ridiculous. The girls they were playing were over-aggressive (throwing elbows, wrestling to the floor, blocking like football players to clear the way for fast breaks, etc) so all the Lehman women had a hard time keeping it under control. Kacie's team tied, but I would argue that they definitely would have won had the refs known how to blow their whistles. I know it's 5th grade girls basketball, but when three girls have to be taken out of the game because they're crying because they've gotten elbowed in the face (and no foul was called, mind you) Kelsey and Kris and Kathy and Karol get a little frustrated and let their mouths go a little too much, despite attempts at silencing with suckers and pen caps. I think my friends were entertained to find that I'm not the only one. That, and both Chuck and my dad kept composed just fine. "It's just a game" to them. I love my family. JD's team lost, but it was still fun to watch him. After the game, me and the girls drove to Meridian Mall, blasting and singing/dancing to music, ranging from Britney Spears to Ella Fitzgerald to Kei$ha to Regina Spektor, and then we ate some food, tried on some dresses, and were exactly the type of customers that store clerks hate: lookers but not buyers. Though I did buy a cute scarf. After Meridian, we headed to Bubble Island. They did not have any mochi ice cream. I was very sad. We headed back to my house and got a round of Euchre in (Liv and I sort of dominated) and then they all headed out. But seriously though. I forgot about how wonderful girls nights can be. Laughing. Singing loud in the car. Eating ice cream straight out of the carton (and demolishing at least two quarts, I might add). Talking about boys without actually being with any. Watching movies. Trying on dresses. Being girly. It was great. I love those girls. I just feel so comfortable with them! Great start to Spring Break for sure.
Since then, I have mostly been being lazy. I slept from 11:30ish until 12 today, and took two 2-hour naps today on top of that. There is some sleeping drug in my couch, I swear. But it feels WONDERFUL! I hung out with Kacie and JD a bit and went with Mom to drop them off. We anxiously watched the NCAA bracket announcements today, and MSU was the 5th to last team announced out of 68 teams. They got a 10 seed. Not horrible, but I'd be very surprised if they make it out of the first week of the tourney. Then my mom and I headed over to the church to sort through leftover bagels and sweets that Panera's gives to my church every week. So I got a bag full of bagels and cookies and scones from Panera for free :) Thank God for Lent. There were a LOT of sweets leftover...
Well now I am off to either watch a movie or go to bed. I haven't decided yet. But so far, Spring Break has been better than I could have imagined.
Photo Challenge
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
My mother is such an amazing woman. I hope to get as many of her characteristics as I can. She has gotten me through so much, even when I didn't want her to or didn't want to admit that she was right about things that I really didn't want her to be right about. Or even when I didn't realize I was in something to get through. She is such an amazing, strong, woman of God and I hope I can be even half as incredible as she is. Sounds super sappy, but there is not a person in the world I respect more than my mother. I am very thankful to God for that. She's a pretty incredible lady.
I am just staying at home and I could not be happier. Although my road trip with my parents was a lot a fun last year, I just need a week to relax. And truly relax. No one else is around, which is sad in some ways, but in others, it's kind of great because it will keep me from busying my break away. I truly do not remember the last time that I really just got to relax for an extended period of time. It has been a LONGGGG time.
Spring Break, thus far, has been amazing. Friday, after Stacey came and helped me finish cleaning the room, I headed home where Stacey, Marissa, and Livia met me. We had a girls night and it was SO. Much. Fun. We spent a couple hours on my bed just talking/giggling/laughing/reading my 7th grade journal etc... It was wonderful. I laughed to the point that my abs started cramping. Then we were headed to go to eat when I got stopped by an intense MSU vs. Purdue basketball game. I had to go watch it upstairs with my mom because my friends were making fun of my intensity. After MSU sealed a victory, we went into East Lansing and got Chinese at 9 pm from this place with a pushy, but very generous Chinese woman. Then we went to Bubble Island only to find that it closed at 10. So we went to WalMart and managed to spend over an hour in the store, picking out ribbons and ice cream. How that takes over an hour, I'm not sure. But we made it so. We came to my house and ate cookies and cream and chocolate fudge brownie ice cream straight from the carton while we made some headbands (for our craft time that is a necessity for every gathering). I know have green, tye-dye, and a blue zebra headbands to put on my not-headband-friendly-shaped head. We watched (500) Days of Summer, but all of us but one (Mariss) fell asleep.
On Saturday, we were supposed to leave at 1, but we didn't end up waking up until 1, so we all rushed and got ready and left a half hour late but ended up only being 10 minutes late (I may or may not have broken the speed limit. A lot.) It was me and my girls, my sisters, my parents, my niece and nephew, and my brother-in-law. Stace and Marissa said that my competitiveness makes more sense in the context of my family. My niece's game was rather ridiculous. The girls they were playing were over-aggressive (throwing elbows, wrestling to the floor, blocking like football players to clear the way for fast breaks, etc) so all the Lehman women had a hard time keeping it under control. Kacie's team tied, but I would argue that they definitely would have won had the refs known how to blow their whistles. I know it's 5th grade girls basketball, but when three girls have to be taken out of the game because they're crying because they've gotten elbowed in the face (and no foul was called, mind you) Kelsey and Kris and Kathy and Karol get a little frustrated and let their mouths go a little too much, despite attempts at silencing with suckers and pen caps. I think my friends were entertained to find that I'm not the only one. That, and both Chuck and my dad kept composed just fine. "It's just a game" to them. I love my family. JD's team lost, but it was still fun to watch him. After the game, me and the girls drove to Meridian Mall, blasting and singing/dancing to music, ranging from Britney Spears to Ella Fitzgerald to Kei$ha to Regina Spektor, and then we ate some food, tried on some dresses, and were exactly the type of customers that store clerks hate: lookers but not buyers. Though I did buy a cute scarf. After Meridian, we headed to Bubble Island. They did not have any mochi ice cream. I was very sad. We headed back to my house and got a round of Euchre in (Liv and I sort of dominated) and then they all headed out. But seriously though. I forgot about how wonderful girls nights can be. Laughing. Singing loud in the car. Eating ice cream straight out of the carton (and demolishing at least two quarts, I might add). Talking about boys without actually being with any. Watching movies. Trying on dresses. Being girly. It was great. I love those girls. I just feel so comfortable with them! Great start to Spring Break for sure.
Since then, I have mostly been being lazy. I slept from 11:30ish until 12 today, and took two 2-hour naps today on top of that. There is some sleeping drug in my couch, I swear. But it feels WONDERFUL! I hung out with Kacie and JD a bit and went with Mom to drop them off. We anxiously watched the NCAA bracket announcements today, and MSU was the 5th to last team announced out of 68 teams. They got a 10 seed. Not horrible, but I'd be very surprised if they make it out of the first week of the tourney. Then my mom and I headed over to the church to sort through leftover bagels and sweets that Panera's gives to my church every week. So I got a bag full of bagels and cookies and scones from Panera for free :) Thank God for Lent. There were a LOT of sweets leftover...
Well now I am off to either watch a movie or go to bed. I haven't decided yet. But so far, Spring Break has been better than I could have imagined.
Photo Challenge
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
My mother is such an amazing woman. I hope to get as many of her characteristics as I can. She has gotten me through so much, even when I didn't want her to or didn't want to admit that she was right about things that I really didn't want her to be right about. Or even when I didn't realize I was in something to get through. She is such an amazing, strong, woman of God and I hope I can be even half as incredible as she is. Sounds super sappy, but there is not a person in the world I respect more than my mother. I am very thankful to God for that. She's a pretty incredible lady.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Oh Jesus Drink of Me
For our Spring choir concert, we sang a song called "If Love Should Count You Worthy." The lyrics are from a poem, and it has been sticking with me and my mind has been chewing on it for awhile. So I thought I'd share.
If love should count you worthy,
And should deign one day to seek your door,
And be your guest,
Pause! Ere you draw the bolt and bid Him rest,
If in your old content you would remain.
For not alone He enters:
In His train are angels of the mists,
The lonely quest,
Dreams of the unfulfilled and unpossessed
And sorrow, and life's immemorial pain.
He wakes desires you never will forget;
He shows you stars you never saw before;
He makes you share with Him forevermore
The burden of the world's divine regret.
How wise you were to open not!
And yet, how poor if you should turn Him from your door.
If love should count you worthy...
Are you worthy to love? Not are you worthy of love, but are you worthy to love? Would love count you worthy of its task? Can you handle love's burdens and be valiant to fight for its cause? Every day, every person you come in contact with gives love the opportunity to knock on your door. And you have a choice: do you let love in or do you leave it out? Of course, everyone says that they would choose to let love in, because everyone perceives love as warm and wonderful and easy and as a feeling of being on top of the world. But it's not. Love is messy. Sometimes, love is the worst pain that life offers. Are you worthy of experiencing that pain? If you want to stay where you are, safe within the walls of comfort, complacency, and ease, by all means, leave love out. Fake it and safeguard yourself. Keep your distance. Live to exist. Live to meet your own interests, live so that if you achieve happiness, your life's goals will be accomplished. But if you want something more, if you dare to face the challenge of love, then open the door. Love can enrich your life and may warm your heart, but it will also tear you apart. Love brings smiles and tears and warmth and torment.
Love can be lonely when it requires doing what's best rather than what's easiest. Love can be lonely when it requires allowing others to hate you. Love can be lonely when you are the only one fighting for its cause. Love hurts when it allows you to see the world's potential in contrast with its reality. Love hurts when it allows you to desire the best for others despite the fact that it may not ever be attained. Love is the part of you that knows that there is something better, something more, something good. And it's this same part of you that aches when you see the world and know that it's not what it should be and never has been. But it's the part of you that knows that someday, it could be. Love is that piece of you that just can't let it go. The piece that holds on to ache. The part that won't let you settle for what you know isn't what is best or the most. Love allows you to see pieces of others in yourself and allows you to see the hole in your soul in the eyes of another. Love allows you to see beauty where you thought it impossible to see, or just simply never thought to look. Love calls you to ignore the actions of a person, and rather to look at the circumstances that must surround that heart in order for such actions to be justifiable to them. Love is that thing that compels you do the opposite of what you want to do. You rarely, if ever, will actually truly want to love. Love makes you run in when you want to retreat. It makes you hold your ground when you want to give in. It makes you surrender when you want to fight. It makes you hope for what is hopeless. It makes you get closer to what you want to be farthest away from. It causes inner conflict. Oh how hard that battle can rage.
Love was never meant to hurt. There was never supposed to be this great divide between what is and what should be. They were supposed to be one. But they're not. The world has experienced a taint that will not fix itself, but spreads. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Oh if only we could go back and redo the part where we broke it. If only we could undo this contamination. If only we could make it right. But we can't. So what do we do with this contamination? If you don't want to fight for love, its easy. Accept the emptiness and continuously try to fill it. It'll never work. You'll never actually be full. More or less distracted, but never truly full. You don't have to bear the burden, just pretend it isn't there. You can probably fake it well enough to even believe it sometimes. Or you can choose love. Love brings more holes. Holes that hurt. Holes that are heavy. Holes with pain. But somehow, the more holes you allow, the fuller you get. The holes are never easy, but they fill a life with meaning. Meaning that is rich and deep. Love doesn't make you take it on alone. You share the burden, but somehow, it's a burden worth sharing.
How wise you would be to cast love away. Avoid it. You don't need it. You can make it by just fine without it. If you want something that makes sense, don't choose love. How could you ever get what's best for you by giving the power over your life and your heart to others? Love strips you of your power. How wise you are to grasp onto that power with all of your might. Why would you ever choose agony over happiness? Vulnerability over protection? Risks over safety? Misery over numbness? You don't want the burden of that regret. You don't want to be capable of experiencing that pain. You don't want to experience that kind of vulnerability. It is, of course, the most logical thing to do. The safest, easiest way to get through your span of inhalations and exhalations is to firmly shut the door on love.
Oh! But how this robs you! How this restrains your life from being more than an existence that may be very wide but not deep. There is so much to experience in the layers of the depth. Yes, there is a cost. But love is what saves. Love is what restores. Love is the source of life and meaning. Love took you from your dark state and filled you with light. It will take you, broken and empty, and will make into something that the Savior can use and delight in.
Oh, Jesus, drink of me! Break this foul body and heart and mold it into something that is worthy to fight for Love's cause. Take this wretched heart and make it into a treasure. For love calls for beauty, and beauty is created from destruction.
Some choose to love when the cost is low. They can be used on special occasion. Used for minuscule and convenient purposes and then put back on the shelf. But some truly fight for its cause. Some are truly worthy of wearing the cause of love on their heart. They are scraped and beaten and bruised and used day after day after day. They are thrown on the front line and they don't give up. Even when it hurts. Even when it's hard. Even when there aren't results. They have been molded for love's ordinary use. But how deep their life goes. And how the Savior delights in them. So what about you? Are you worthy to love? Would Love count you worthy of its cause?
"How wise you were to open not, and yet how poor if you should turn Him from your door..."
If love should count you worthy,
And should deign one day to seek your door,
And be your guest,
Pause! Ere you draw the bolt and bid Him rest,
If in your old content you would remain.
For not alone He enters:
In His train are angels of the mists,
The lonely quest,
Dreams of the unfulfilled and unpossessed
And sorrow, and life's immemorial pain.
He wakes desires you never will forget;
He shows you stars you never saw before;
He makes you share with Him forevermore
The burden of the world's divine regret.
How wise you were to open not!
And yet, how poor if you should turn Him from your door.
If love should count you worthy...
Are you worthy to love? Not are you worthy of love, but are you worthy to love? Would love count you worthy of its task? Can you handle love's burdens and be valiant to fight for its cause? Every day, every person you come in contact with gives love the opportunity to knock on your door. And you have a choice: do you let love in or do you leave it out? Of course, everyone says that they would choose to let love in, because everyone perceives love as warm and wonderful and easy and as a feeling of being on top of the world. But it's not. Love is messy. Sometimes, love is the worst pain that life offers. Are you worthy of experiencing that pain? If you want to stay where you are, safe within the walls of comfort, complacency, and ease, by all means, leave love out. Fake it and safeguard yourself. Keep your distance. Live to exist. Live to meet your own interests, live so that if you achieve happiness, your life's goals will be accomplished. But if you want something more, if you dare to face the challenge of love, then open the door. Love can enrich your life and may warm your heart, but it will also tear you apart. Love brings smiles and tears and warmth and torment.
Love can be lonely when it requires doing what's best rather than what's easiest. Love can be lonely when it requires allowing others to hate you. Love can be lonely when you are the only one fighting for its cause. Love hurts when it allows you to see the world's potential in contrast with its reality. Love hurts when it allows you to desire the best for others despite the fact that it may not ever be attained. Love is the part of you that knows that there is something better, something more, something good. And it's this same part of you that aches when you see the world and know that it's not what it should be and never has been. But it's the part of you that knows that someday, it could be. Love is that piece of you that just can't let it go. The piece that holds on to ache. The part that won't let you settle for what you know isn't what is best or the most. Love allows you to see pieces of others in yourself and allows you to see the hole in your soul in the eyes of another. Love allows you to see beauty where you thought it impossible to see, or just simply never thought to look. Love calls you to ignore the actions of a person, and rather to look at the circumstances that must surround that heart in order for such actions to be justifiable to them. Love is that thing that compels you do the opposite of what you want to do. You rarely, if ever, will actually truly want to love. Love makes you run in when you want to retreat. It makes you hold your ground when you want to give in. It makes you surrender when you want to fight. It makes you hope for what is hopeless. It makes you get closer to what you want to be farthest away from. It causes inner conflict. Oh how hard that battle can rage.
Love was never meant to hurt. There was never supposed to be this great divide between what is and what should be. They were supposed to be one. But they're not. The world has experienced a taint that will not fix itself, but spreads. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Oh if only we could go back and redo the part where we broke it. If only we could undo this contamination. If only we could make it right. But we can't. So what do we do with this contamination? If you don't want to fight for love, its easy. Accept the emptiness and continuously try to fill it. It'll never work. You'll never actually be full. More or less distracted, but never truly full. You don't have to bear the burden, just pretend it isn't there. You can probably fake it well enough to even believe it sometimes. Or you can choose love. Love brings more holes. Holes that hurt. Holes that are heavy. Holes with pain. But somehow, the more holes you allow, the fuller you get. The holes are never easy, but they fill a life with meaning. Meaning that is rich and deep. Love doesn't make you take it on alone. You share the burden, but somehow, it's a burden worth sharing.
How wise you would be to cast love away. Avoid it. You don't need it. You can make it by just fine without it. If you want something that makes sense, don't choose love. How could you ever get what's best for you by giving the power over your life and your heart to others? Love strips you of your power. How wise you are to grasp onto that power with all of your might. Why would you ever choose agony over happiness? Vulnerability over protection? Risks over safety? Misery over numbness? You don't want the burden of that regret. You don't want to be capable of experiencing that pain. You don't want to experience that kind of vulnerability. It is, of course, the most logical thing to do. The safest, easiest way to get through your span of inhalations and exhalations is to firmly shut the door on love.
Oh! But how this robs you! How this restrains your life from being more than an existence that may be very wide but not deep. There is so much to experience in the layers of the depth. Yes, there is a cost. But love is what saves. Love is what restores. Love is the source of life and meaning. Love took you from your dark state and filled you with light. It will take you, broken and empty, and will make into something that the Savior can use and delight in.
Oh, Jesus, drink of me! Break this foul body and heart and mold it into something that is worthy to fight for Love's cause. Take this wretched heart and make it into a treasure. For love calls for beauty, and beauty is created from destruction.
Some choose to love when the cost is low. They can be used on special occasion. Used for minuscule and convenient purposes and then put back on the shelf. But some truly fight for its cause. Some are truly worthy of wearing the cause of love on their heart. They are scraped and beaten and bruised and used day after day after day. They are thrown on the front line and they don't give up. Even when it hurts. Even when it's hard. Even when there aren't results. They have been molded for love's ordinary use. But how deep their life goes. And how the Savior delights in them. So what about you? Are you worthy to love? Would Love count you worthy of its cause?
"How wise you were to open not, and yet how poor if you should turn Him from your door..."
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Limber Up
Soooo I've missed a few days. Quite a few days. Oh well... not a whole lot happened. But stuff happened. Butttt whatever. Right now I'm at B's house. I'm up later than I should be, and did not get as much homework done as I should have. Grr..... However, I did get to the highest level I've ever been on Tetris.
I'm feeling witty, but not really motivated. So I think I'll just go straight to the photo challenge.
Photo Challenge
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
This was one of the most nerve-wracking days of my life. I drove through a bad thunderstorm to a friends' open house, and then managed to lock my keys in my car the one and only weekend when my parents were out of state. So the JAMK dad's came to my rescue... and here they are, trying to fish my keys out. We'll do two funny pictures today... Since I missed so many and all.
This picture is the embodiment of our Sisterhood parties. Me being weird, Olivia trying to be normal, and Emily eating. But this one makes me laugh every time too.
Well, peace and blessings. Tomorrow could be fun.... or bad... we'll see.
I'm feeling witty, but not really motivated. So I think I'll just go straight to the photo challenge.
Photo Challenge
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
This was one of the most nerve-wracking days of my life. I drove through a bad thunderstorm to a friends' open house, and then managed to lock my keys in my car the one and only weekend when my parents were out of state. So the JAMK dad's came to my rescue... and here they are, trying to fish my keys out. We'll do two funny pictures today... Since I missed so many and all.
This picture is the embodiment of our Sisterhood parties. Me being weird, Olivia trying to be normal, and Emily eating. But this one makes me laugh every time too.
Well, peace and blessings. Tomorrow could be fun.... or bad... we'll see.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Good things are to come
So I missed a day. But yesterday mostly consisted of me working on papers til 5:30 AM and observing B's craziness. She was in rare form last night, to say the least. I'm glad she recovered so well from her archery incident though = P haha my suitemates are the best.
Today was a rather shocking day, to be honest. I only got 3 hours of sleep, but for the most part, I felt pretty aware and with it. I feel like on days when I get 6 or 7 hours of sleep, I'm much more sleepy throughout the day. Just doesn't make sense. But I felt like I functioned at a pretty high level today, especially considering the circumstances. I was anticipating to feel tired all day and probably grumpy. But today was really a pretty great day, and tonight, I'm feeling like I pretty much love my life. I got to scorekeep for a very entertaining intramural basketball game ;) and then got to play volleyball. We had a bit of a comeback, so that was exciting. And I just am surrounded by some pretty cool people.
I don't know. A couple things happened today that just gave me a good feeling that something good is going to come. I guess I can't put all my eggs in this basket yet, but nonetheless, I have a good feeling about something, and it's nice for a change. Guess we'll just have to keep our eyes posted and see where it goes....
Photo Challenge
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
This guitar has gotten me through a lot of rough times. Deciding to play guitar was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. There's something about music that no other form of self-expression can touch. So, my most treasured item is my guitar. Cliche perhaps, so deal with it.
Today was a rather shocking day, to be honest. I only got 3 hours of sleep, but for the most part, I felt pretty aware and with it. I feel like on days when I get 6 or 7 hours of sleep, I'm much more sleepy throughout the day. Just doesn't make sense. But I felt like I functioned at a pretty high level today, especially considering the circumstances. I was anticipating to feel tired all day and probably grumpy. But today was really a pretty great day, and tonight, I'm feeling like I pretty much love my life. I got to scorekeep for a very entertaining intramural basketball game ;) and then got to play volleyball. We had a bit of a comeback, so that was exciting. And I just am surrounded by some pretty cool people.
I don't know. A couple things happened today that just gave me a good feeling that something good is going to come. I guess I can't put all my eggs in this basket yet, but nonetheless, I have a good feeling about something, and it's nice for a change. Guess we'll just have to keep our eyes posted and see where it goes....
Photo Challenge
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
This guitar has gotten me through a lot of rough times. Deciding to play guitar was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. There's something about music that no other form of self-expression can touch. So, my most treasured item is my guitar. Cliche perhaps, so deal with it.
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