Today was an interesting day to say the least. I'm going to be brief, and actually start with the middle of my day. After HPR and lunch, Rae came into the room when I was studying for Marriage and Family probably about 1 or 2. We chit-chatted a bit, and she happened to mention she only got 3 hours of sleep. I told her she was going to die of sleep deprivation, to which she replied, "But I'm not even tired." I gave her "the glance," to which she replied, "Fine. I'll take an hour nap," as if she was doing me a favor. She then fell asleep, within 5 minutes, pretty much in a sitting-up position. She slept from then until sometime after 4, after I had left for choir. Silly goose.
Once again, choir made me quite sad. We ran over some of the old songs, and those sounded pretty good. Well, accurate anyway. But the new songs aren't even accurate, let along memorized and expressionate. I feel that we could possibly be humiliated on choir tour. I miss high school choir oh so much...
I think the Marriage and Family test went alright. I pretty much wrote a novel for the essays. I hate tests with more than like, 2 essays. I guess this one only had 3, but I thought I was gonna write my poor little hand right off. Afterwards, I went to one of the opening Focus series workshops. It was pretty interesting, despite the people near me being quite obnoxious, but we won't get into that for fear that I could get in trouble.... I just wish a certain friend of mine would wisen up. We'll put it at that. It kind of makes me scared to fall in love, because love is capable of blinding.
I scorekept for basketball tonight, Gainey South against Muffitt. Muffitt killed them, poor things, and of course Muffitt thinks they're all hot to trot. I can't WAIT to play them and show them what's up. I suppose I shouldn't get ahead of myself, but I'm really not too concerned. They're on top of the world, too, after winning both hockey and volleyball. I feel like it is the stark opposite of last year. But I am quite excited to play them in basketball.
So now to the beginning of my day. I woke up, pretty groggy because I was maybe lucky to have caught five hours of sleep last night. I knew we would have a sub today, so I was just hoping I wouldn't fall asleep during the movie. I had no idea what to expect.
We watched Schindler's List. It was possibly the most horrific thing that I have ever watched. I couldn't watch. I couldn't even listen. I was shaking. I couldn't fathom such a thing as being a reality. Not only years ago during World War II, but still occurring in countries today. I cannot fathom it. I couldn't even watch a movie that portrayed it. I'm not sure how men can actually take part in it, and not feel anything. Evil is a terrifying thing. I just wanted to cry. All I could think was "God, make it stop make it stop!" The worst thing was that I could not find any source of redemption, and source of light. Sure, the war ended, but it ended far too late. I'm still pretty shaken up by it. This is what I wrote in my HPR notebook afterward:
"There may be a million reasons to smile, but there are also a million reasons to weep. It is easy, perhaps essential, for humanity to bury beneath the lies that depravity does not exist. Once you allowed to see the truth, you cannot be the same, at least not for awhile. Though truth does set free, It's not necessarily the kind of freedom you hope for. We rise, we sleep, we work, we eat, we turn oxygen into carbon dioxide. But we also kill and cheat and lie and steal and tear each other apart, limb from limb. Worst of all, we justify. We justify the way we destroy each other, the way we destroy those with whom we share humanity. We bury beneath the lie that we could never do such a thing and that we are not involved in the problem. Each of us is capable of and active int he evils that scar this world. That is the cold, hard, earth-shattering truth. It is the truth of original sin, the innate human instinct of evil. It is not healthy to hide so deep beneath the lies, and the longer we do, the worse it gets at the surface, the worse it gets in reality. However, just as it is unhealthy to live under the lies that everything is okay, it is unhealthy to live beneath the lie that nothing can be done. Thanks be to God, there is grace. There is grace that pulls us out of the bottom of the well. There is grace as a gasp of air just before we drown in the fallen state of the world we created. For every evil, there is a chance for good. And only by the grace of God may we take it."
That's all I got down. Perhaps I'll expand at some point. But that is what I got out of today. There's still so much question I have in my mind. Hopefully I can sleep tonight.
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